Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Blue. Seriously? Last Chance to enter $80 GIVEAWAY!

LAST CHANCE - ENTER $80 CSN GIVEAWAY BY MIDNIGHT, AUGUST 4th - SEE DETAILS BELOW.


With apologizes to all my golf-loving readers....

It was 1979-- A peanut farmer was President, Rod Stewart was belting out "Do You Think I'm Sexy", "Three's Company" was on everyone's televisions, and all I wanted for my 21st birthday was a microwave oven.

Back then, I rarely cooked and the idea of "nuking" dinner was very appealing. All my friends had one and I wanted one too-- Everybody knew it, including my then live-in boyfriend. It's all I'd talked about for months.

The morning before my 21st birthday, I hinted heavily, one last time, and even went so far as to accidentally on purpose drop an advertisement of the model I was hoping for in his briefcase. I felt confident, the next day, frozen heat-up dinners would be gracing my dining table. I was so excited!

Boyfriend got me a set of golf clubs.

@#$%&!

Did I mention I hate golf? Well let me assure you, Boyfriend knew-- Without a shadow of a doubt, that golf was at the absolute bottom of my "to-do" list.

Boyfriend had been around for a couple of years at that point and we'd spent a few (six or seven hundred) afternoons together, while he played and I fanned myself through 18 miserable holes of golf, in the gawd awful Ohio heat and humidity, only to be treated to a beer and a hot dog after the torture. Did I mention I do not drink beer?

Boyfriend was addicted to the game. Me, not even a little. I played a few times but knew instantly it was not for me. But I didn't complain if he played. In fact, I was more than happy to leave him to his game all day long, as often as he wanted to play-- Which should tell you a bit about the quality of our relationship.

Let's just say, the more Boyfriend played golf without me, the happier I was...

But he was having none of that. He wanted me with him for days filled with his cursing, throwing clubs, kicking balls, and nasty sportsmanship that pretty much made 5 hours of golf-togetherness a real picnic.

Boyfriend, despite hours and hours of practice, was a terrible and very frustrated golfer.

The morning of my birthday, and with great fanfare, Boyfriend presented me with a full set of baby blue golf clubs-- Yes, baby friggin blue ones that were actually a couple of inches too long for my short height. I'm pretty sure they fell off a truck somewhere in New Jersey and no receipt was presented to exchange them for the correct size... or a microwave oven.

The baby blue clubs looked like kiddie toys, except I wanted used them as a lethal weapon on Boyfriend who kept telling me how much fun I'd have playing with him. Oh, and the matching baby blue golf shoes that came with the set-- Two sizes to big and also not returnable.

I was not a happy camper sitting there with my new golf clubs-- Stunned, very angry, and with so much steam coming out of my ears, I'm sure my Farrah Fawcett hair do was withering to straight strands of an over sprayed mess.

Golf clubs? Surely this was a joke. So I excused myself and headed towards the kitchen thinking, hoping, praying-- a bright shiny new microwave would be waiting for me with a big beautiful bow on it.

Nothing.

But the birthday gifts continued.

Golf lessons! Boyfriend signed me up for 24, one hour golf lessons and the first one was that very afternoon... Because apparently that's what every 21 year old woman wants to do on her birthday.

Back then, I had a hard time speaking up and expressing myself, so instead of beating him to death with the golf clubs, I smiled, bit my tongue, and agreed to try a few classes.

Over the next month, I literally hit 5,000 golf balls, each time cursing Boyfriend and plotting my escape from our living arrangement. And for the record, I really did try to learn how to swing those ridiculous looking clubs.

I took a few more classes then I'd intended because the golf pro was very sweet and because, after class, I could fain exhaustion and not have to play a round of golf with Boyfriend.

After about a month of frustrating classes, the golf pro sat me down and delivered the bad news. Very gently he explained, trying not to hurt my feelings, that "golf was not my game." Hallelujah! I nearly kissed him on the lips and knew I would never take another blue golf club out of that @#$%^&! baby blue golf bag again.

Golf Pro, bless his heart, also advised Boyfriend that golf was simply not my sport.

Shortly thereafter, a brand new microwave oven was my first purchase for my new apartment-- Which was far, far away from the baby blue golf clubs and Ex-boyfriend.

Seriously. Baby blue golf clubs?
Welcome to www.TheFiftyFactor.com - Joanna Jenkins

$80 CSNStores.com GIFT CERTIFICATE GIVEAWAY ENDS AUGUST 4th. All you have to do is leave a comment here on THIS POST to enter. And for more chances to enter click, HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE for complete details. Comment on each of these posts for more chances to win! Come on-- It's $80! Don't be shy.

Photo Credit: © Roger Asbury - Fotolia.com

64 comments:

  1. You were a good woman! No golf for me.

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  2. Men! Go figure.
    Re Microwave ovens:
    There was a study conducted where two plants were watered identically, with the only difference being that one received tap water and the other received microwaved water (room temperature, of course). The latter one died.
    I was big on microwaves; I had a mini one and a convection one. After reading about the plants both microwaves went into the trash. I haven't used one since.

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  3. So what did you do with the golf clubs?

    :)

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  4. I started playing golf because of a boy I liked. I stopped playing as soon as I realized he wasn't worth the hassle.

    I hope you got some good cash for those clubs on Ebay! :)

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  5. ROFLMAO....ackkkk what the heck is it with men!!I hate that..get me something I want. Although personally I adore golf..just can't aford it anymore...yeah I totally understand.
    This last Mother's day my husband bought me..not anything I asked for..but a light box with lights for photography. Now being a photographer you are thinking..oh cool nice gift. Well sort of..because the only reason he bought it was so I could take better pictures of him mineral specimens..which frankly pissed me off. I totally understand ...what I wanted was a gift certificate to Michaels or the book store..that would work!!
    Hugs hon, Sarah
    Glad ya kicked the boy to the curb!!!

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  6. Well, I'm glad you finally realized he was not the one for you. Seriously, how many boring rounds of golf did it take you?? Not my game either, but my brother has done the same thing to his wife. Fortunately, he's too busy with all his other sports to push the issue.

    (BTW, if Boyfriend ever dragged you down to Pleasant Hill golf course in Geauga County, you were about 2 miles down the road from my house.)

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  7. That was hilarious!
    When I was had been married to my first husband for 9 or 10 years, I wanted a Monopoly game for my birthday...Not an expensive gift, pretty reasonable of me. What a got was a huge quadraphonic sound system record player. No monopoly game. When we divorced, two years later, said husband said he wanted the record player. I said, "But that was my birthday present!" You should have seen his face drop! I let him have it, as he'd bought it for himself not me in the first place. I didn't want it when he bought it, and didn't want it when we split. But it was fun to yank his chain a little!

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  8. Well told story of an eye opening birthday. Good for you to know what you wanted even back then. That guy was clueless, wasn't he? I'm diggin' the Farrah Fawcett haircut though. Lots of people in my family golf very often and are good golfers. Just never caught that bug though. I was a tennis player and I still like that and I like playing baseball. Ask hubby, you definitely want me on your baseball team, I can catch even on the spur of the moment.

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  9. I'm not sure if my comment posted.

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  10. Gold is best played completed drunk. Otherwise? Not fun.

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  11. Our hubs may have been separated at birth. Mine would do the same with gifts. Most of the time I didn't care. I felt flattered that he remembered the date.

    I love the Farah Fawcett comment. Oh, how I miss those days!!!(not). We needed at least an hour to get ready to go out somewhere! I was always late...everywhere!!

    Great post!

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  12. I used to have a pair of golfing socks but I got a hole in one...

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  13. Oh man I can't believe you didn't use those clubs on him - I think I would have. Men can be so dense and in his case it was all about him and not you - glad you dumped him.

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  14. He tried his darnedest to corrupt you and mold you in the the golf partner he'd always dreamed of. Your a better woman than I...you hung in there and kept tryin'.

    I once got a bird dog for my birthday...do ya'll think this chick hunts??? Heeehehehe!

    Funny post girl, it left me giggling. You have a greatly blessed day my friend!

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  15. Oh my gosh! I had a boyfriend like that. He played golf too. Lots.

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  16. Guys just do not have a clue. One year my husband bought me perfume for my holiday gift. For me, the person he was married to for at least 15 years by then, the one who did not wear make-up, did not 'do' her hair, did not even friggin' shave, and never ever wore perfume or cologne of any kind.

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  17. Too funny! I didn't marry a golfer, but we did go golfing on our quickie honeymoon. We forgot to turn off the cart and ran down the battery and ended up pushing it back from the 10th hole to the clubhouse.

    I don't think I've been golfing since.

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  18. Charley Chaplin once said, “A day without smile is a day wasted.” Is great how you kept hope you will enjoy this game. Glad you haven`t taken too much time until you know what you wanted.

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  19. What a hilarious story! I can definitely imagine how annoyed you were... I hate it when people give me presents that they really want...

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  20. you are right on.





    Aloha from Honolulu :)

    Comfort Spiral

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  21. i did take a golf course in college, but BABY BLUE?? yikes!

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  22. I know this was so frustrating at the time, but it makes a good story now! Really though - what was he thinking?

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  23. oh jj...sounds like the birthday from hell...i like golf everyonce in a while (usually about once a season)...have never taken T...i know better...

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  24. My boyfriend bought me a microwave for Christmas that same year and I LOVED it! You would have thought it was a diamond ring. I had that microwave long after I got rid of the boyfriend.

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  25. You have the patience of a saint! I would have clobbered him with those baby blue clubs, for sure! :)

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  26. You crack me up! This story is too funny! When I was a kid I had to take golf lessons. I did not like golf before the lessons and liked it even less after I completed my lessons! To this day I still do not like it. Too darn boring for me.

    ~ Tracy

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  27. How could you possibly not like baby blue golf clubs????? I found your post extremely enlightening. LOL

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  28. That's the worst sort of gift - a gift that is really for the giver.

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  29. Um, so you know by now I think how much I love golf. It's just one of my most favorite things.

    But it's my thing. My lady leaves me to it. Sometimes we talk a bit about her giving it a try, going out with me and knocking one around. But again, it's my thing, not hers. If it was our thing, it would cease to be my thing. And we all need a thing.

    Wow, I just said thing a whole bunch of times.

    Forcing someone to play golf is a little criminal.

    Casey

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  30. Oh my word that is a great story. Irv took me golfing ONE time and only one time. It took us forever to finish because I would hit the ball about three feet each time.

    It's okay....golf isn't my game either.

    Baby blue clubs? He must have gotten one great deal on those. I didn't know they even made baby blue clubs!!

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  31. This is funny, but I can totally understand why you were incensed at the time! Baby blue clubs! What goes on in the minds of men?

    Thanks so much for your kind comments and for visiting and following Dropped Stitches! I'm a pretty new photographer so I appreciate the compliments.

    xo Erin

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  32. This is funny, but I can totally understand why you were incensed at the time! Baby blue clubs! What goes on in the minds of men?

    Thanks so much for your kind comments and for visiting and following Dropped Stitches! I'm a pretty new photographer so I appreciate the compliments.

    xo Erin

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  33. Joanna!

    young love.

    and you know I'm going to be singing.. Come and knock on my door... all night now!

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  34. I don't know what a CSN store is...but I loved your story....reminded me of the year my ex husband gave me a grill for Christmas, it was out last holiday together....smiles.

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  36. Oh my! He must have been good in... other areas - though I suspect not. Obviously only what he wanted was what counted. So glad you moved on.

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  37. Good story that should be printed out and posted in club houses around the country.

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  38. Baby Blue? So NOT your color. You look much better in Microwave waves...trust me.

    I would never buy you baby blue golf clubs. You should have lived with me.

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  39. I marvel even at the thought of anyone playing golf. I never even so much as tried miniature golf. Good for you even with baby blue golf clubs :)

    dreamzz12{at]aol{dot}com

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  40. Girl, I didn't realize they came in Baby Blue. Maybe he had them specially made?? I'm glad that you were freed by the instructor!

    What a great story. No wonder he's the "ex".

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  41. Mini-golf, okay. But regular golf? Seriously, I just don't get it. Especially with baby blue clubs.

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  42. I think I would have clobbered him over the head with the golf clubs but you were probably far too kind to resort to physical violence. It is amazing, though, how much microwavs changed our lives, isn't it?

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  43. Golf used to be one of the many things I did for fun.... it wasn't my game either, but, hey, a beer at the club house between 9 and 10, and the fact that I can make a silly time out of anything - even golf, I had fun.


    Baby blue clubs? Oy. Just oy.....


    :)

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  44. I hope you didn´t leave the clubs behind when you left him, because I´m sure that´s what he bought them for in the first place. So that HE could use them... Jerk!
    Some guys are just so clueless on buying gifts!

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  45. Hmmmn, what a charmer, eh? So nice of him to gift you what HE wanted you to have! But you did wise up, and move on (smile). Actually, golf was one of the reasons my mother-in-law was so disappointed I married into the family.. she and my FIL were huge golfing buddies with the parents of his ex-gf, and never quite forgave their son for moving on - ugh!!

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  46. Oh golly, you're a better woman than I am. I would have ripped off his head and used the stump for a golf bag. LOL

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  47. I thought I was weird for wanting, nay, craving electronics for birthdays, anniversaries ... now I feel good .. I hope you got a lot of use out of your microwave and I hope you got to sell those clubs and use the $$ for more lovely electronic goodies

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  48. This is SOOO funny!! I can just see you out there doing your best to chase that ball around a 400 acre field of grass. I kept hinting to my first husband (our first married Christmas) that I wanted a basketball backboard and hoop. My sister in law told him that I was joking and that I really wanted some nice perfume...I got the perfume and I really DID want the b'ball stuff!

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  49. I really enjoyed this post. Thank you for sharing. I could just feel your disappointment.

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  50. Ah! You brought back the memory of my own, painful, 21st birthday gift from my own ex-boyfriend.

    I was a hairdresser. I had my own top of the line blow dryer (2 actually... one for work, one for home), top of the line curling iron, $100 haircutting shears... you get the idea.

    So what did boyfriend give me? A Conair blow dryer that he paid $10 for. Five months later, he was no longer my boyfriend. and I probably threw the blow dryer in the trash.

    The most stupid gift I ever received from anyone? The gals from work threw me a baby shower when I was having my last baby. I knew she was my last because I was 35 years old and I ahd a tubal scheduled for 10 minutes after her birth (seriously! he tied those babies up minutes after her birth!) One of the girls at work bought me a MATERNITY TOP! I was 2 weeks from delivery and this stupid ass bought me a maternity top!

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  51. Golf is some people's respectable suburban crack. They become consumed with it, and can't imagine that anyone else would not be similarly consumed. if they aren't, it must be because they haven't tried it. I can't tell you how many people have started boring me to death about their golf game, and when I tell them i don't care for golf, do they subside? of course not. Like religious zealots, they redouble their efforts, confident that I will thank them after I've seen the light.

    Golfers need their own little island, far away from me.

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  52. You were too nice.. I would have hit him over the head with them right away!
    The only 'redeeming' feature was that they were blue, my favorite colour!

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  53. I would probably have done the same thing at the same age. Now, I would start looking for that new apartment as soon as I saw the golf clubs :)

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  54. Thank heavens you got rid of that one girl...I've never understood the fascination some people have with golf...but maybe it's a meditative thing to them...I just can't relate at all! You tell a story so well... My love to you...

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  55. I don't know where they come up with some of this craziness. oh the boyfriend stories we could tell,I will have to post about my $50.00 DATSUN CAR. LOL. Lord love a duck.
    I would take your blue golf clubs to it for sure and it would have been an improvement. hugs to you.

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  56. Ugh. What is wrong with men? You're a better woman than I am. I wouldn't have gone to the lessons.

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  57. a lesson learned I guess,
    you are smart enough not to do the same next time....

    have a fun day!

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  58. THIS GIVEAWAY CLOSED AT 12 midnight, August 4th. Thanks to entering. Winner will be announced soon. jj

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  59. Wow--I'm impressed that at 21 you had a boyfriend with a briefcase!

    Silly boys...

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  60. Oh my! I didn't know my husband dated you before we married!

    Okay, seriously, my Hubs is no golf fan, but the story is soooo familiar. I once received a Lynyrd Skynyrd album and concert tickets for my birthday - I HATED Lynyrd Skynyrd and I HATED concerts - but, of course, HE wasn't going alone, hense the wonderful birthday gift.

    Another one - he loves homemade milkshakes, wanted one every night, but they are so much trouble to make, especially if you don't have a blender. I complained once about how I was beginning to hate making them and mentioned that if I had a blender or even one of those hand held single mixers, it wouldn't be so bad. Guess what I got for Mother's Day? Not even a blender - just one of the hand held jobs.

    Thank goodness he's gotten better over the years (in some ways,) because I think if he gave me a gift like those again, he may have to go to the ER to have it removed...from wherever I chose to shove it.

    Great story, and I'm so glad to hear you got the courage to dump the golfer.

    Thanks for visiting my blog and following. I believe I'll follow you, too!

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  61. Hi Joanna! I too have never taken to golf. My husband LOVES to play and spends a lot of time at it, whether here in Anchorage or in his travels. I just never got what was so fun about traipsing around with a bunch of golfers chasing that little white ball. I do like the beer cart that comes around and the after-party, but golf... not! I do love tennis, though, you play and you are done! xoxoxox

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  62. Baby Blue Golf Clubs! You have to be flipping kidding me! I am SO glad you got rid of him : )

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  63. Great story!

    We are the same age. WooHoo for us!

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