Monday, December 28, 2009

This Time I Really Mean It

For the past 20 years I've fallen short on achieving my New Year's Resolutions-- very short. They've mostly included the same three "pledges"-- Stop cursing, lose 5 pounds, and practice more patience, along with a few random promises to exercise more, complain less and read better literature.

I start the year off with good intentions but before I know it, a person, place or thing grabs my attention and frankly, "golly gee" escapes me and a slew of expletives spill out of the same mouth I kiss my mother with before I realize I've busted my resolution all to hell.

Those five pounds-- Forgetaboutit! I'm a woman now with a woman's body and let's face it, menopause if a fickle freak. Five pounds is nothing. Despite the scale barely changing, I should have switched to losing five inches long ago, because looking in the fitting room mirror in not so skinny "skinny jeans" is another example of when "golly gee" just doesn't cut it.

Practicing more patience is not going to happen either. At 51 some things are simply not going to change and that includes anything starting with the word "practice". If I haven't figured it out by now, I'm pretty sure it simply is not going to happen for me. Ever.

So this year, at the start of a new decade, in the new millennium-- And with the encouragement of Nanny Goats in Panties-- I'm taking a fresh approach-- a practical approach-- to New Year's Resolutions. Since we are about to spend the grand children's inheritance on repairing our sinking pool and deck, I think it's a good idea to focus on money in 2010 and I know just how I can successfully resolve to save, save, save!

I will never buy another Band aide, nail file or package of dental floss again. There must have been a run on that stuff in 2009 because I have every cartoon character bandage, size and shape nail file, and at least 25 packs of flavored dental floss. Why? I have no idea, but I'm guessing closeout sales and/or multiple senior moments had something to do with the lifetime supplies now occupying my bathroom.

Silverware and glasses are on the "no shop" Resolution list as well. And I'm not talking about the paper and plastic kind. Oh no. After Beloved's birthday bash in November, I realized I literally have 125 place setting of flatware, in at least 6 different patterns, and more than 300 wine glasses in various shapes, sizes and colors-- All in glass or stainless-- And that doesn't include "the good stuff" in crystal and silver! I mentioned a while back that I like to set a nice table, but never realized how much loot I had accumulated in this area. So from now on, I'm calling a truce and stepping away from the housewares section of department and discount stores.

You can sell your stock in Barnes & Nobles and Borders too because I'm staying out of bookstores in 2010 which means their sales will plummet! My supply of cookbooks has reached astronomical proportions and I simply must stop buying them! Instead, I'll borrow from my BFF's impressive collection and make copies of favorite recipes-- You know, the recipes I will somehow never manage to get around to making but will feel so much better having a copy of "just in case".

I also resolve to never again buy paper dollies to go on a cake or cookie plate. Let's just say mine number in the thousands. Ahem-- Enough said about that teeny tiny obsession run amuck.

Which brings me to my final New Year's Resolution-- Underwear-- specifically panties. I resolve to have a far more realistic attitude about what size undies I actually wear and will stop buying them to fit a 16 year old girl. They always look sooooo big in the store but once I get them home, sadly, they'd actually fit a Barbie doll, not the body of the above mentioned menopausal woman. Seriously, I do not need gigantic Grannie panties yet, I just need a pair that won't cut the circulation off, turning my legs blue, in under 20 minutes. If I can find decent fitting panties, life would be good and loads and loads of bucks will be saved in 2010.

These are Resolutions I feel confident I can actually achieve this year even if I continue to curse like a drunken sailor. I face 2010 with all sincerity and good intentions and the promise that-- This Time I Really Mean It!

How about your New Year's Resolutions? Got any?
Welcome to The Fifty Factor - Joanna
Thanks to Margaret at Nanny Goats in Panties for presenting the This Time I Really Mean It New Year's Resolutions campaign. If you want to participate and link-up CLICK HERE.

70 comments:

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Oh, I wish I had thought of something about panties. Seems "fitting" so to speak.

And I just published the big post for everyone to link up on HERE, so get yours up there, girlie! And thanks for playing!

af1blog said...

Hmmm... don't get me wrong, but it just occurred to me that the things you mention all display a cetain degree of "obsession" or a slightly "addictive" personality.

Again, don't get me wrong... I love addicts - it just kinda depends on what they're addicted to ;)

Maybe you could resolve to give up resolving? Then again, I guess not.

Have a great New Year.

Adam - XO

Ji said...

Hello:

Losing weight, stop cursing, and ..

great plans.

However, doing what you love to do, for the people you care, at very opportunity, is simply awesome, right?
Be yourself, be positive, and be patient...things will come your way, bliss is in the air, Happy New Year!

http://www.jingleyanqiu.wordpress, just in case you wonder where I live. Welcome.

Mike Smith said...

Ha! I've lost five pounds since Christmas Day - I dropped my wallet in the pub last night...

Have a great New Year, Joanna!

Madison said...

It's amazing the things that accumulate. Great post.

Davine said...

Oh I know how you feel. I have usually forgotten my NY Resolutions by lunchtime on New Years Day!!

Brian Miller said...

yeah, i am pretty bad about new years resolutions...there is wisdom in yours with a little humor as well...not having blue legs will probably make them a whole lot more attractive too, eh?
lol.

slommler said...

{clapping} for your New Year's resolutions. They sound perfectly reasonable to me!! My shopping has run amok too! I need to curtail my spending and save as well. Good luck on yours!!
Hugs
SueAnn

smiles4u said...

I love your list...can relate much to the menopausal weight crap that you speak of...a few choice words have escaped my lips numerous times over this past year in trying on clothes and "golly gee" most definetly does NOT cut it. What would I put on a list? Must think about this....happy Monday!

Ocean Girl said...

Sometimes I forget how funny you are!

I had stopped making resolutions many, many years ago but tempted to join in and play.

Akelamalu said...

My New Year's Resolution for 2009 was to lose weight and I can honestly say I did - 16lbs to be exact. My NYR for 2010 will be to lose the other 24lbs! :)

Thanks for visiting me and taking the time to comment. Best Wishes for the New Year. :)

Jeanie said...

I think I have gotten past the "collect everything" stage of life. I'm very good at throwing away and giving away these days. Give up what you must, but please don't stop going to Starbucks, which you didn't mention as a money sucking habit...I need their stock price to go up.

Nezzy said...

Your just too funny girl. I stopped making unrealistic resolutions years ago. I would just set myself up for failure year after year, so now I just make it a daily event. If I fail tomorrow is a new day.

I wake up each morning thanking God for this day He has given me. I then pray that He gives me the ability to live this day the best I can. Don't get me wrong. I believe in setting goals and striving to reach them. I try to make a difference in someones life each day. I strive at least one random act of kindness. I keep a gratitude journal an look for at least five thing to be thankful for to write in the journal each day.

For this farm chick, taking life a day at a time works so much better for me and like I said if I blow it...I have a new day tomorrow.

May God bless your New Year!!!

Kathy said...

I'll be blogging about the same thing this week. No resolutions here...just a "plan". I buy nothing but cotton panties from the GAP...most comfortable things ever! :)

TechnoBabe said...

Dang, you are practically a saint compared to most of us. That is all that you need to work on??? Seriously, I think the panties sizing resolution should be number one, it does cut off your circulation which does eventually effect the blood going to your brain which has to do with decision making,so there ya go, I just helped you get the other ones on your list solved. My resolution this year is really not to have any more disappointments so one of the things I eliminate at the first of the year is resolving to make any more improvements in my life. I find that I like stumbling along in my little life with hubby in our little hippie home.

Joyce said...

I will "try" to not buy any more cookbooks. I made a closet into a room just for my cookbooks. I have clipped and clipped recipes to hold into a 4 drawer file cabinet. Asking me how many times have I reached for those recipes?
In January I cleaned out my (as I like to call it entertaining room) and came across so many wine, champagne marg.glasses, dinner plates etc... that I gave alot away and still my shelves were full. LOL... I decided if I buy another thing for those shelves I need to get rid of something. Best of luck my friend on your new plan. xo
PS yes I can see we share the same passions. lol...

MOMSWEB said...

Amen! I stopped making New Year Resolutions a long time ago. I make New Day Resolutions just to be better today than I was yesterday. My favorite quote...I am what I am.

Enjoy the last week of 2009 in joy and PEACE!

soggibottom said...

Soggibottom, just passing through wishing you a Happy New Year...and 'um...sorry if I have clicked to follow..... your stuck with me for a while. Have a great New Year
Midge x x x

Peaches said...

My three New Year’s Resolutions:
1.) Purge- I want to reduce the amount of things I own, everything from books and files to furniture. I want less…after years of collecting I want to streamline.
2.) Mind/Body/Spirit- I want to take better care of myself…in every way.
3.) Art- I want to make time to paint. This will be the hardest as I work so much.
Thanks for stopping by my place. Make a great year!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Your resolutions sound fated for success! One year I resolved to use our whirlpool tub more often. My husband laughed at me--"That's not a resolution!" Why should it be something hard or awful? Why should it be self-improving? Can't it be "I resolve to have more fun?" Sheesh.

Ms. Diva said...

haha! Just in case! That is my favorite saying!!! Recipes, kintting paterns, books, yarns, fabric, boxes, paper.......

Kristina P. said...

These seem so doable! Resolutions should make you want to poke your eyes out. :)

Matty said...

I like how you keep it all in perspective, knowing that some things are never gonna change.

I don't make new years resolutions, because I figured it out a long time ago. I am who I am.

angelcel said...

This gives me a real insight into your personality: you're also a retro 1950s doyenne of house and home...right? I had you pegged purely as a successful busineeswoman of the here and now. But no...cookbooks, table settings and doilies. Perfect! I know just where you're comning from! ;)

Good luck with those resolutions!

(Psst... Strictly 'entre nous'...I've worn the big pants since I was about 30. You'll notice how much warmer they keep your kidneys) :D

Namine said...

super fun post!! love the panties thing!!

Good luck on your resolutions!

Thanks for visiting my blog!!

Ronda Laveen said...

Oh...to find the panty size between Barbie and granny would be heaven on earth. Great resolutions.

Ronda Laveen said...

Oh...to find the panty size between Barbie and granny would be heaven on earth. Great resolutions.

Chris H said...

I have two main resolutions this year: lose weight and clear our credit card! Stop cursing.. NEVER!

Tattoos and Teething Rings said...

I never do the resolution thing, I know myself too well; I won't stick with it and I'll feel like a failure. Your no-shop list is a pretty good idea, though, there are definitely things that I buy out of habit that I could do without. Good luck!

Leeuna said...

If we ladies didn't shop for things we think we "really really must have" the economy would crash to rock bottom. I'm a nut for dishes myself. Oh, and panties. I love nice panties. Never mind that they are covered up with a very old, very well worn pair of jeans.
Happy New Year.

Valerie Neal said...

Stopping by from Nanny Goats In Panties. I so want to be you when I grow up!! I'll be back for a visit soon, need to get just enough done so that it looks like I did something today.

gayle said...

I got to get busy with mine..I do think you are going to be able to keep yours!! Now if I can figure out how to get that button..

yorksnbeans said...

this post was a hoot!! I can totally relate! :-)

Cathy Clementz said...

You always make me laugh...and think!!! The panties in particular; I was THRILLED when I found out that...just a second, I have to go look at the label...Fruit of the Loom panties NOW have a label that is dyed INTO the panties instead of that itchy damn tag!!! So, keep that in mind in your search for the perfect panty!!

Lisa Gioia-Acres said...

I am with you on all of your points! I went shopping today to replace the hoard of clothes I removed from my closet that were totally unrealistic purchases. The fitting room experience was, to say the least, yucky! I took in a hundred outfits and purchased just 1% of them. I have also been doing the same thing with my purchaes. I try not to buy anything new until I've used up what I have at home.

Happy New Year and New Resolutions to you!

Christine said...

I haven't made any resolutions (yet), but getting rid of some cookbooks would be a good start, thanks for the idea. It's funny (scary) how our houses get cluttered with so much stuff.

Fireblossom said...

I never make NYR's cos I know I won't keep them. I can resist anything but temptation. ;-)

erin said...

damn (oops)! that's funny!! hey, i hear even martha stewart swears like a sailor! from one menopausal woman to another...thank god you have this here blog to remind you of these resolutions, cuz if you're like me...you won't remember any of them! about the panties...i swear my ass is getting smaller and flatter while my torso is widening, so my pants keep falling down!! suspenders sound like a good idea.......sheesh.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

You saw my post but yours got me thinking about something else I can add to mine.
I'm going to try not to buy anything that I don't NEED. You know? I have plenty of stuff to dust and more than enough stuff. I'm only buying necessities and I'm going to continue to curse like a drunken sailor!
I hope 2010 is a wonderful year for you, Joanna. Get the pool and deck fixed so you can enjoy it!

Hugs!!

Pastor Sharon said...

Okay please just tell me your purse is not full of sugar packets and I'll let it go. . . . LOL

Marguerite said...

Great resolutions! But you are no where NEAR being a senior! Happy New Year!

cinner said...

ok Girlfriend, I am with you on the panty thing. Lord love a duck. I have some that won't even fit half of my heiny....but now I know why my legs have turned blue. Good luck in the new year. Your resolutions are realistic, I have to redo mine. Big hug.

Condo Blues said...

Your resolutions all sound like good ones that you can meet. I didn't put lose weight on my list either. Even though my Wii Fit keeps tells me that I'm overweight - by 2 pounds. That's Christmas cookie weight, really.

LadyFi said...

Resolutions? Pledges? New Year?

Well.. 2009 was a stinker, so if the next one turns out a little better I'll be happy!

Alix said...

Oh! The cursing thing! I am SO overdue to overhaul that spicy little tongue of mine. Larry rarely lets a colorful word escape his lips, but mine fly like winged monkeys! I usually use expletives as punctuation... you know... to get a point across. Or when I'm driving. Definitely then. In many ways the cursing and the impatience thing go hand-in-hand with me. So, I'm standing right there beside you, Joanna, in the no cursing line. Just don't be surprised if I get kicked out. I do so love a well placed swear word.

♥ Casa Hice

Alix said...

PS: I forgot to tell you that I'm hopelessly addicted to collecting cookbooks. Where you have 300 wine glasses, I have 300 books. 300+ actually with more on the way. When I die, Larry can pay for my final disposition just by Craig's Listing those cookbooks. I see him eyeing them all the time and can hear his internal cash register cha-chinging away. Time for a Doberman guard dog I think.

WhisperingWriter said...

Nice resolutions. I need to make some too. Off to the top of my head, being nicer to my husband should be on that list. But sometimes he aggrivates me so.

Laoch of Chicago said...

As I have gotten older my resolutions have gotten smaller but perhaps have improved somewhat. This year my resolution is to try and be kind.

The Things We Carried said...

The books are making me crave already!

Sassy Pants Freckle Face said...

rock the resolutions!!! I know you can!!

My name is PJ. said...

I don't wait until New Year's to resolve anything because my resolve could falter by then and I don't want to leave anything to chance.

Maybe you should start a support group...so when you feel weak, you can go to your resolution sponsor...

grannyann said...

I really enjoyed your post. I for one NEVER do the NY Res. thing. I don't want to take the time to think about it, full well knowing I wouldn't do it anyway.

Menopausal New Mom said...

I'm so tired of breaking my New Year's Resolutions on January 2 that I've stopped making them.

I'd really like to be more fit though. With a 3 1/2 year old to chase and try to keep up with, this old menopausal body ain't gonna cut it!

Jen said...

I am pleased to say I have kept with my resolution made years ago to buy more comfortable underwear. I can't and won't do granny pants yet but cotton is a must. Good luck on your search for better panties, you will feel great when you find the right ones and won't even care about those five pounds. As for swearing, I like my very colorful vocabulary. Happy New Year!

Loraine said...

Resolutions have never worked for me. It takes me all of five minutes to forget them. I am, however, trying to reverse my own bad money habits...

otin said...

With the shape of my dental work, I can floss with the rope that my boat anchor is tied to!

I never make resolutions. That is just the pessimist in me. If I achieve something, then it is a pleasant surprise, but if I choose to be an overeater on December 31st why should I kid myself and think that it will be any different on January first!?

Unknown Mami said...

Wonderful!

I resolve to throw out all the underwear that is stretched out, doesn't fit, I never wear. I'm feeling ambitious, let's add socks, too.

Happy New Year, Beautiful!

Ann's Rants said...

300 Wine glasses?

Oy Gevalt.

kys said...

I don't usually make resolutions because I have absolutely no willpower. I'm thinking about joining up with a group of gals for a weight loss challenge. It seems futile.

I like your goals. They seem do-able.

I hope you have a very Happy New Year!

beth said...

do you have any idea how much you just made me smile and laugh and then laugh out loud and then almost wet myself....well you did and I love you for that !!!

lisa said...

The pressure of a resolution is way too much for me so I try not to make them because I know myself well enough to know that I can't keep them.

My verbal skills also lie in the gutter and I think it's now becoming my trademark. A lady, I am not, in this category.

lisleman said...

Your panties resolution reminded me of the "Never Wear Panties to a Party" story in the book "The Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love". Maybe it's one of those books you brought but didn't read yet.

Do you have enough wine to fill all those glasses?
Happy New Year

Iva said...

I think more people break their resolutions then keep them ;)

Kristin said...

300 wine glasses??? I thought I had a lot at 16. Ah ha ha

CC said...

I'm still determined with that 5 lb thing. And I actually have a slightly different issue with glasses and dishes. I have too many chipped or impractical ones. I need to bite the bullet and replace much of my glasses and dishes with "easier to stack" and "kid friendly" ones.

Eddie Bluelights said...

My New Year's Resolution is not to make any New Year's Resolutions! Can't fail on that one! ~ Eddie

Tracy said...

I've made a pact with a buddy to spend the first months of 2010 beefing up our emergency savings so I'll be doing a lot less shopping, too.

Even though a lot of things like detergent and diapers are cheaper in Target I will not set foot in one for at least the first couple of months, as all those little things that cost just one dollar are my downfall. It's like I'll buy a handful of those and BOOM! the spending dam is broken and it's open season to buy whatever strikes my fancy.

injaynesworld said...

I have good news. 60 is the new 40. So at 50, girlfriend, you're still a puppy.

Good luck with that new fiscal policy.

Happy New Year...

Lisa T. said...

Oh my goodness, I buy underpants the same way. They are always too small. What is up with that? I had planned on buying new panties with my gift cards this year, but all I got was one to Lowes and one to the feed store. I'll do my best, but I'm not holding out hope that the underwear section at Lowes will work out.

Smiles,
Lisa

(And thanks for visiting my blog, so appreciated!)

Debbie / Cranberry Fries said...

I should probably cut down on my book buying too. I didnt read nearly as much last year but because I was blogging I bought a bunch to giveaway.

Plus I think this is the first time I've ever seen a resolution about panties. I LOVE IT! You're so funny!