This Time I Really Mean It

For the past 20 years I've fallen short on achieving my New Year's Resolutions-- very short. They've mostly included the same three "pledges"-- Stop cursing, lose 5 pounds, and practice more patience, along with a few random promises to exercise more, complain less and read better literature.

I start the year off with good intentions but before I know it, a person, place or thing grabs my attention and frankly, "golly gee" escapes me and a slew of expletives spill out of the same mouth I kiss my mother with before I realize I've busted my resolution all to hell.

Those five pounds-- Forgetaboutit! I'm a woman now with a woman's body and let's face it, menopause if a fickle freak. Five pounds is nothing. Despite the scale barely changing, I should have switched to losing five inches long ago, because looking in the fitting room mirror in not so skinny "skinny jeans" is another example of when "golly gee" just doesn't cut it.

Practicing more patience is not going to happen either. At 51 some things are simply not going to change and that includes anything starting with the word "practice". If I haven't figured it out by now, I'm pretty sure it simply is not going to happen for me. Ever.

So this year, at the start of a new decade, in the new millennium-- And with the encouragement of Nanny Goats in Panties-- I'm taking a fresh approach-- a practical approach-- to New Year's Resolutions. Since we are about to spend the grand children's inheritance on repairing our sinking pool and deck, I think it's a good idea to focus on money in 2010 and I know just how I can successfully resolve to save, save, save!

I will never buy another Band aide, nail file or package of dental floss again. There must have been a run on that stuff in 2009 because I have every cartoon character bandage, size and shape nail file, and at least 25 packs of flavored dental floss. Why? I have no idea, but I'm guessing closeout sales and/or multiple senior moments had something to do with the lifetime supplies now occupying my bathroom.

Silverware and glasses are on the "no shop" Resolution list as well. And I'm not talking about the paper and plastic kind. Oh no. After Beloved's birthday bash in November, I realized I literally have 125 place setting of flatware, in at least 6 different patterns, and more than 300 wine glasses in various shapes, sizes and colors-- All in glass or stainless-- And that doesn't include "the good stuff" in crystal and silver! I mentioned a while back that I like to set a nice table, but never realized how much loot I had accumulated in this area. So from now on, I'm calling a truce and stepping away from the housewares section of department and discount stores.

You can sell your stock in Barnes & Nobles and Borders too because I'm staying out of bookstores in 2010 which means their sales will plummet! My supply of cookbooks has reached astronomical proportions and I simply must stop buying them! Instead, I'll borrow from my BFF's impressive collection and make copies of favorite recipes-- You know, the recipes I will somehow never manage to get around to making but will feel so much better having a copy of "just in case".

I also resolve to never again buy paper dollies to go on a cake or cookie plate. Let's just say mine number in the thousands. Ahem-- Enough said about that teeny tiny obsession run amuck.

Which brings me to my final New Year's Resolution-- Underwear-- specifically panties. I resolve to have a far more realistic attitude about what size undies I actually wear and will stop buying them to fit a 16 year old girl. They always look sooooo big in the store but once I get them home, sadly, they'd actually fit a Barbie doll, not the body of the above mentioned menopausal woman. Seriously, I do not need gigantic Grannie panties yet, I just need a pair that won't cut the circulation off, turning my legs blue, in under 20 minutes. If I can find decent fitting panties, life would be good and loads and loads of bucks will be saved in 2010.

These are Resolutions I feel confident I can actually achieve this year even if I continue to curse like a drunken sailor. I face 2010 with all sincerity and good intentions and the promise that-- This Time I Really Mean It!

How about your New Year's Resolutions? Got any?

Welcome to The Fifty Factor - Joanna

Thanks to Margaret at Nanny Goats in Panties for presenting the This Time I Really Mean It New Year's Resolutions campaign. If you want to participate and link-up CLICK HERE.