Thursday, October 15, 2009

Blackberry Bliss


Often proclaiming he can't live without it, my husband takes his Blackberry with him everywhere. And it's a crying shame.

I am in the minority, no doubt, but I despise Beloved's Blackberry with every ounce of its blue-cased being. It spends far more time with him an I do. It commands his complete and undivided attention with a simple hum. And it's never, ever, turned off, no matter how much I beg for silence.

It is also a very old Blackberry purchased oh so many years ago, but Beloved does not like change and, in the case of this Blackberry-- his Blackberry-- Big is better. The screen and type that is. Beloved can read his old Blackberry without his glasses and he doubts that would be likely on a new model so upgrading has always been out of the question.

He emails religiously to clients around the globe or to family in the next room. It's checked during meals, birthdays, weddings and even yard work. I rue the day it entered our home and regularly curse at it's never-ending stream of interruptions.

Once I actually confiscated his little gem for 72 whole hours. I was in paradise. He was in Intensive Care following surgery. Did Beloved ask for pain medication, ice chips, a comforting hand? Hell no. He asked for his Blackberry-- It was drug of choice.

But today, I got my wish. The Blackberry was silenced once and for all.

Beloved dropped it in the toilet.

It was an accident of course. Tragic was the word he used. But into my Toto Toilet it went and all I can say is-- I wish I had been there to see the splash-- And the look on Beloved's face.

Giving credit where credit is due, Beloved did not call me to fish his Blackberry out of the potty. I did not ask, nor do I want to know, how he managed to retrieve his blue baby on his own. All I know is, one minute he was washing up for dinner and the next minute all hell broke loose.

When I arrived at the scene of the crime, all my might was required to erase the smile from my face. A happy dance would not have been appropriate, I saved that for later, in private.

Beloved took apart his precious Blackberry-- there are actually only a few parts, and laid them out neatly on a towel to be cleaned. Lysol, cotton swabs and my favorite pair of Tweezers were involved in the process. Then slowly, and ever so gently, the hair dryer was finally applied to absorb any lingering moisture from its pieces. I watched in silence as Beloved, mumbling a prayer to himself, reassembled his aging gadget. With a deep sigh he turned the device on and-- and-- and...... A great ZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZzzzzZZzzzzZ z z z z z z was heard throughout the house.

No it as not the angels singing, although I was sure I'd heard them in my mind. The Blackberry was humming an impatient wail that grew louder as if to rev itself up into working order only to slide back into the aching, tired moan of a fading showgirl.

Being the dutiful wife that I am, I made the appropriate "gee whiz" sad face and whispered a few words of encouragement reminding him the phone store would open again at 10am.

Beloved was distraught, almost paralysed with despair. We had a moment of silence in honor of the bitch he calls Blackberry. Beloved eulogized all the phone calls, business deals, well wishes, and "I'm running late" messages it's sent over the last zillion years. All I could think was "Blah, blah, Blackberry.....".

I was finally able to pull him away from the bathroom repair area. Then we had dinner, in glorious Blackberry-free silence. Ahhhhh. Life was good, if only for one brief evening. Beloved was at the phone store this morning, at 9:45am waiting for the doors to open, so he could get a new annoying gadget.

It was fun while it lasted.

Do you turn your gadgets off?
Welcome to The Fifty Factor - Joanna
Photo Credit: © Kaitlyn McLachlan - Fotolia.com

78 comments:

Tattoos and Teething Rings said...

"Tragic"! Haha :) My husband is so into phones, every couple of months he's on to the next new thing- he's even switched carriers several times because that was the only way to get the phone he wanted. I wish I was lying.

Mari said...

You are hilarious! I was laughing out loud while reading this. Now, should I wish him well with the new model?

Holly said...

You can't possibly know how much I needed that laugh just now!

OMG...let me know when it's safe for you to come out of your hole when he figures out you've been doing the Potty Dance!

I love you.

Ina in Alaska said...

Funny story. I too am addicted to my iPhone and it is never turned off, I use it for everything, it is very entertaining and I find I check it far too much, even when picking up dog poo in the yard.

One afternoon this past summer I was at a red light and a young couple was waiting for a bus near the light. My windows were down and my purse and iPhone were on the passenger seat. The lady of the couple ran up to my car to talk to me about my license plate (HOTH2O) and all I could think was.... please don't reach in and grab my iPhone..... pathetic isn't it?

Having said all that I do agree with you, Beloved is over the top with his Blackberry!!

Jeff D'Antonio said...

Never owned a blackberry and hope I never do. When I'm not at my desk, I don't want to be reachable. By anyone. Ever.

I have a cell phone, but only for emergencies. My wife and daughters are the only living humans who know the number.

Oh, and I also have a fire dept pager (volunteer firefighter), but that doesn't count.

grannyann said...

That is so funny. When my brother was about 6 or 7 he dropped my dads shaving brush in the toilet and flushed it down. My dad could only say "It was guaranteed for a life time." No we don't turn things off but years ago I said "No football games on while we eat a holiday dinner!!!!"

Kristina P. said...

My condolences. Now he'll probably get one with even more fun stuff.

Susan said...

You tell the story very well. Funny. You just have to laugh I guess because this is going on in homes all over America - maybe the device is not as vintage and maybe a toilet is not involved - but the basic story is the story of 2009.

Christine said...

funny story. seriously, these things cost so much and all you have to do is drop them in some water and they don't work anymore.

Brian Miller said...

i have to close down the computer occassionally...its pretty addicting...no blackberry here...that would push me over the edge...enjoy the time between now and 10 AM. smiles.

Lissaloo said...

lol, that is too funny :) My Hubby wants an i-phone for Christmas, maybe I need to rethink that :)

Kathy said...

You are too funny! I keep a list of things I want to blog about and my cell phone addiction is on the list! I can't go anywhere without it. Mine is just a regular old phone, but I can feel his pain.

I also get embarrassed by my addiction and wonder how I ever lived a day without my phone!

otin said...

I hope that he does not read your blog!?

lisleman said...

a good crack-berry story. I've never had one but know many who do. My blog is my addiction.

funny cellphone clip
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFX53b_rmWg

noexcuses said...

Great post! How well we know our Beloveds!!!

My computer is my blackberry. I'm clean and sober from 7-2:30 every day. Otherwise, it's crack time!!

Great post!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Almost everyone I know calls them CRACKberries. I'm glad you had a dinner in silence and bliss. I turn my cell phone off at night. If I remember to turn it on, that is....

Hugs!!

Tami said...

LOL, I lost my phone for a whole day and was dying!!!

I mean I could/should have been in ICU the way I acted.. I looked every where.. here I am the "clean" freak of the house nothing out of place.. I left the house in total disarray! I was desperate! and the lil bugger had SHUT OFF!

Hubby called me and thought the house had been broken into. The couch cushions flipped over and not put back.. the drawers had clothing hanging out.. LOL.

I found it later that night after searching like a MAD WOMAN! <--me the mad woman.. who had withdrawals ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL DAY...
heh heh

Tell your beloved I can relate LOL

a corgi said...

LOL!!!! this was sooo cute to read; I'm glad you had temporary quiet in your house for those few short hours

I don't take my cell phone a lot when I leave the house if hubby is with me; if I'm walking the dog or driving alone I have it with me, otherwise I really enjoy not expecting calls wherever I go

betty

Dad.. said...

WHOAH!! Now THAT is a place that you're in NO hurry to quickly pull something OUT of. LOL!! My condolences

Becky the Sign Lady said...

Hilarious. The poor guy.

I'm not anywhere near that bad concerning my phone, but I must have it with me everywhere I go and I never turn it off except in the movie theater.

You should get one too. Then you can text each other.

yorksnbeans said...

Cute, cute story!! Too bad your unexpected bliss couldn't have lasted a wee bit longer!

Jeanie said...

I have lost not one, but two, cell phones to the toilet-I'm not so good about zipping my purse. I'm no so addicted, but I am careless.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Didn't he realize that that was a sign from heaven above to go blackberryless for awhile?

It may be time to cut a few wires when you want it silenced. He'd never know, right?

AmyK said...

This is so painfully funny. Since my husband got his Blackberry in Feb. he is on it constantly, mostly playing games. He checks work emails as well, so I am not ever sure if it is work or games he's fiddling with. It irritates me to have a conversation with someone not looking at me. Or, he'll "watch" TV and miss everything visual because he's looking at the Blackberry. I feel your pain.

cinner said...

Hoanna, that was very funny, I have no trouble with my husband with this issue,, although he is having a love affair with beer!I wish you peace! and more dancing.

Frau said...

OMG Joanna I think our husbands are twin separated at birth. I'm laughing so hard reading your post. Oh girl you are talking about my world ...crackberry aka girlfriend...bitch in black you name it. Too funny!

CraezieLady said...

Hahaha, no I don't turn my gadgets off, but 1) all I have is my computer and a regular old, non-blackberry cell phone, and 2) sometimes I think they get tired of me, because if I'm not having problems with one, I'm having problems with the other!

BUT, I do ignore them occasionally, although I can't say that I particularly enjoy doing so, because one day of NOT checking my email alwayas screws me over by not having found out about a cub scout meeting or missing a family member's birthday, or something like that.

Because, of course, these things only happen on the one day that I didn't check the gadgets!

Chris H said...

I am sure Stew feels the same way about me and my computers (I have 3)... BUT I do turn them off at bedtime... HONEST!

jane said...

i wish you could hear me laughing! thank you!

My name is PJ. said...

I gave you a standing ovation after I stopped laughing and then I shouted repeatedly for an encore!

I don't get the whole "I need to be plugged in and available 24/7. Somehow we have all been fooled into thinking that we need to talk, text and tweet with each breath.

Not me! I use the computer, but not to chat. I've never owned a cell phone, although my husband does. I think facebook is creepy and I don't understand why twitter exists.

Do you remember when beepers were the only annoyance?????

Tammy Howard said...

I'm definitely not tied to my phone, but I get the jitters if I'm away from the internet for too long. I use my phone more for checking e-mail.

The hubs and my eldest are another story - and one your Beloved would more than likely be able to relate to...

Willoughby said...

Your husband and my son could be best friends. He doesn't have a Blackberry, but his cell phone has all the bells and whistles that you can get. It never leaves his side except when he's playing football. He and his friends text each other constantly. Who has that much to say? I don't get it....

The Peach Tart said...

I feel your pain. Mr. Peach Tart is the same way. I hide it all the time and then fain ignorance when he asks where it is.

darnold23 said...

I have to confess. I have had three Blackberry phones and now have an IPhone...I, too, am addicted. I don't text while driving, however (just in case any policemen are reading this):) You have and award waiting for you at Dining With Debbie. I hope you will come collect it.

Betty said...

I´m at work reading this, and I had to keep from laughing out loud, because then everyone would know I´m not working.... :)
Hilarious!! I can imagine it vividly and would probably act like your hubby. I admit I love my phone too! And next week my new phone is arriving. I just can´t help it, I love gadgets! :)

Nezzy said...

At'ell do it! A good toilet baptizing will kill a techno gadget every time. Heeeheehe! Love your funny rendition of the whole event. Sorry your hubby lost the love of his life but I think a little withdraw does 'em good every now and then.

I set my little size five foot down and laid down the law many moons ago. Everything goes off during our supper meal, dates, restaurants...ya get the pic. Our time together is just to precious.

Have a great day, I'm still laughing here!

Chicago Mom said...

I don't hate my husbands phone as much as you do, but I do hate it when he takes calls during a meal. How rude! Mine has dropped his in water TWICE; once in a toilet and once in our daughter's kiddie pool. LOL I teased him that he did it on purpose so he could upgrade the model. Men and their toys... Personally, I like my extremely old pay-as-you-go phone and would rather buy shoes. :)

TechnoBabe said...

This is a wonderfully written post. You added humor to what is actually in my opinion a serious and sad social plunge. How did the general population come to the place that so many people drop any pretense of being polite or attentive. Who gave the blessing from on high that it is not only permissible but advisable to answer any and all calls and texts at all times? I used to go to dinner with my son and daughter-in-law and we could not carry on a semblance of a real conversation with all the cell phone/blackberry interruptions. Don't get me started on thin one.....

angelcel said...

Haha...*shame*! :D

I'm not a gadget person. I've only just bought a mobile phone that I properly understand how to operate. Unfortunately people are so used to me having my old phone switched off that no on calls me on my new one!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

What is it with men and their buttons? My husband is in hog heaven with a remote in his left and his fancy phone/touchpad/whatever in his right. Good grief.
Your post had me laughing out loud, recognizing the addiction.

Joanne said...

Ohhh Joanna that is hilarious. I am of the same tribe as you - have never used a blackberry - my cell phone is off most of the time unless I have to make a call -- I figure all these technologies are becoming the downfall of our society - but thats a whole other post for my own blog (sometime). Maybe the lesson for your Beloved is to leave the Crack - I mean Blackberry out of the bathroom.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I loved this post to bits. So many great phrases that made me smile ear to ear with my morning coffee. This was, I thnk, my favorite, "A happy dance would not have been appropriate, I saved that for later, in private."

Brenda's Arizona said...

I wouldn't have been able to suppress the giggle. This is great! New rule - no blackberry allowed in bathroom...

Christina said...

Joanna, you pretty much just described my partner's relationship with his Blackberry!! :D
His is an old, big, clunky one with the big screen and the big buttons, as well!
He too was in hospital without his device - he handled himself well, though: He reassured himself with "I don't care. It's ok."

Super hilarious post, thank you so much!

Christina said...

PS: I am a total gadget junkie!

Angie said...

You are not alone. My husband's department bought him a blackberry and a laptop. I despise them both. His blackberry mysteriously comes up missing at times. Too bad..er...luckily! The laptop is too big to be...misplaced... ;)

!!The Obnoxious SAHM!! said...

Technically challenged here.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Technology is both good and bad.

I admit there are days where I'm addicted to the Internet and wonder if I could shut down for an entire week from choice (someone tried this experiment and loved it).

I might try it or just limit when I use it. Not sure it, but I'm thinking it needs to be done and the story about your husband and his blackberry solidify that I should.

Midtown Girl said...

You kill me darling!!

Seriously tho, I have my pink blackberry next to me almost all the time.

I sometimes check my love horoscope while I'm in bed right before I go to sleep...sad but true - LOL!

XOXO

Loraine said...

I turn my phone off for class and once in a while to save the battery, and keep it on the rest of the time. Usually people only call or text if it's important, and I'm not ridiculously popular, so it's usually pretty quiet.

Where the hell is that thing, anyway?

kyslp said...

Poor hubby and his Blackberry. I hope he adapts to the newer model. What is it with husbands being resistant to change? Mine is the same way. Very funny!

LadyFi said...

Hilarious and brilliant! Loved the bit about the Blackberry sounding like a fading showgirl...

You've described my husband - with his iPhone!

Grrrrrrrrr!

Rowe said...

After the initial thrill of new gadgetry wears thin, I'm less obsessed about them. I can imagine how annoying it must be for you, having that elephant in the room all the time.

Cindy La Ferle said...

This is laugh-aloud funny and true -- as always! I am right there with you, with a hubby and son who are addicted to these things too. I only carry a damned cell phone out of obligation to people who freak when they can't reach me every five minutes to tell me they bought bread from the store, or found a sale at the mall...

I know I sound like someone from an Amish settlement, but I can't believe how much more I DID back in the day before we were so over-connected to all this technology.

Ocean Girl said...

Such a cute story. I'm still smiling/chuckling :)

Shrinky said...

Oh so beautifully penned, I'm still laughing my invisible socks off!! Poor lad, guess it'll take a lot of hand holding before his heart is mended again.

I drive my fam demented 'cos I either forget to charge, or plain refuse to turn my mobile phone phone ON - hell, with four kids and a hubby, all within earshot of their own, why the heck volunteer to be on call? I can reach them if I need to, good enough for me.. (wink)

Aleta said...

I almost pee'd in my pants with this: "We had a moment of silence in honor of the bitch he calls Blackberry"

This was HILARIOUS! About the best post I've read. I almost did a happy dance for you as I read this post. TOO FUNNY.

Greg loves his iphone. LOVES IT. Sometimes he'll bring it when we go to a restaurant and he won't notice that I'm specifically ignoring him until he looks up and sees that my attention is in the COMPLETE opposite direction. Who wants to watch a husband play with a phone???

And.. hehe.... if your hubby gets caught up in the phone again, you can always.... accidently...???? find it in the toilet.. or sink... or that the water hose hit it... don't know how it got in the dishwasher???

diane said...

Oh Joanna, how I wish Cute Hubby's "addiction" was portable. Not only does it steal him away from me, but I can't get any work done on my blog while he's glued to the keyboard.
I can totally relate to what you've been going through, and I love you even more than before for sharing this story (and making me guffaw).
Courage, girlie, courage. xo d

2 Toddlers and Me said...

My husband adores his Iphone. I detest it. He's always on it, texting, emailing, playing games. The best-worst invention ever.

Roshni said...

Teehee!! Hopefully he'll get one of those super-small ones and won't be able to do a lot of texting and emailing coz of the small font!!

Chrisy said...

Oh girl you can sooo write! What a hoot! It certainly came to a fitting end didn't it?!

Harlem's A Hatin said...

I have a blackberry for work and I could definitely live without it!

http://harlemshaterade.blogspot.com

Flartus said...

Ugh! I'm totally with you on this...fortunately, my beloved feels the same as I do. But my brother has been an addict since the days of the Palm Pilot.

It just bugs me that someone a hundred miles away can take attention away from the people you're face-to-face with. What's worse is how socially acceptable, even admirable it's become.

In my opinion, the only tragedy in this story is the part where the phone store opened the next day.

♥ Braja said...

Gosh, if only I knew what a Blackberry actually WAS :)

Karen said...

This is hilarious. I can sympathize in one respect, and that is having a device with numbers big enough that you can read it without glasses. That's my #1 criteria in buying a cell phone these days. How big are the numbers??

You're too funny!

Unknown Mami said...

My husband could write a similar post about me and my Iphone.

Cathy Taylor said...

This was too funny. But as one who lives with a smartphone I can appreciate how annoying the bzzzz of the BB can be. Hope you enjoyed the silence, even if it lasted less than 24 hours. LOL!

Christine Forest, M.D. said...

Before I got my own Blackberry, not too long ago, I used to make fun of the people standing in the middle of the street and tapping away in their phones. I no longer do that, for I have become one of them. I should have stayed with my "do not judge" rule.

Sorry for you having to deal with a smart phone addict in the familiy. My husband would understand exactly how you feel.

Thank you for your lighthearted take on the phone mania. We could all use some laughs about this.

Yaya said...

I'm in love with my Iphone...seriously...


Hate to break it to ya, but once it dries out it works again....I know because I've done it three times....

Rebel Mother said...

Oh I did laugh, when it dropped down the toilet.

A shocking demise to his beloved toy. Only to be replaced by another!

Just cant win in this life!

Love RMxx

Debbie said...

We don't leave our gadgets on at night. I have enough trouble sleeping without having to share my evening with those things!

Mike Smith said...

What the hell did we all do before the internet?!

Oz Girl said...

You poor thing. You've made me feel lucky and very thankful for my Blackberry-free life. So the next time my hubby sits down in front of the TV to play his war games on his Nintendo, I will remind myself... at least he doesn't walk around with the game controller attached to him all the time!!

Condolences.

elvira pajarola said...

Oh, I am late for commenting on this, but I HAVE to: It's incredible, but the story, so funny and sympaticly written; could be the story I would write about Blackberry in Italy owned by Husband of mine....!
I LOVED it and you won't believe: I had to translate this very story to him; he smiled like a .....

Compliments for this so sympatic story!!!!
have a sunny sunday!!!!!!
elvira

Debbie / Cranberry Fries said...

Luckily for us we can't afford the fancy phones or the monthly plans. My hubby hates the phone so it took him a long time to even get a cell. Now we both have prepaid phones that we take with us for the occasional call. Since we're not that connected it means we're hardly ever 'plugged in'.

My hubby is attached to his internet though but like I said luckily he can't afford the phone or plan so he only gets to play when he's at his desk.

RIP little big blue -hubbys phone.

Hilary said...

I don't think I could stand someone that focused on their device. And it serves him right for texting while peeing! ;)

I'll bet your new theme song is.. Bye Bye Blackberry

Margo said...

this is hilarious, and spot on. I can definitely relate here at our house. My husband has a Palm with the stylus and I learned not to bother him when he was tapping away across the room from me thinking it was important business. About a year ago I found out he's mostly playing games and watching live baseball stats.

pita-woman said...

I truly did laugh out loud at this one. I'm right there with you in the minority. Fortunately, it's not my husband though, it's most of my girl-friends. 3 of us took a girls-trip last year to visit another friend, and they couldn't seem to put their "Crackberry's" down long enough to enjoy the scenery on our drive or to carry on a conversation. It was one of the many things that pissed me off on that trip.
On a different note...
in the future, if a cell phone gets dropped in a body of water, instead of trying to dry it with the blowdryer, which could cause further damage, place the phone in a sealed container or ziploc bag with some rice (uncooked). The rice will absorb the moisture from the phone & you'll have a better chance at saving the device (if you so choose to save it.) ;)