Don't you just hate home repairs that no one will ever actually notice or see once they're complete? I'm talking about the repairs that have no impact on your personal lifestyle but cost a boat load of money-- The repairs that are kinda boring and don't require shopping for pretty home furnishings-- The ones with no buyer satisfaction or a nice shiny babble to admire for your hard earned dollars. Those types of home repairs are no fun but you have to make them or your homestead could go very bad, very fast.
Case in point-- My Sewer Condom. I told you about it here. I Googled the cost of a "real" condom and discovered you can buy one for as little as 20 cents. My Sewer Condom cost as much as this....
Seriously! It's a Smart ForTwo Car. Cute huh? It's not parked in my driveway. But I do have a monogramed sewer condom instead. Yawn.
Of course, no one knows I have a new Sewer Condom, other than my dear readers, but I suppose people in my home would know if they tried to use the "facilities" without it. Which goes to show, no matter what it costs, you should always use a condom.
My sinking pool and deck-- Now there's one heck of a painful home repair check to write that, once the job's finished, no one will have any idea that any work was ever done, because it will look exactly the same when it's finished as it did before it started sinking. Don't get me wrong, I love my backyard and would hate to lose it, but seriously, when I think of all the things that could be done with the money if the pool and deck hadn't moved, my head spins.
Setting aside all the worthy causes the money could help for a moment, if sky's the limit, I could use the repair money to buy one of these lovely Cartier Diamond Tank Francaise Watches for me and three of my very best friends! (You know who you are ladies.)
Or how about one of these babies-- Size eleven carats (!) from Tiffany. Sure the diamond would be the size of the headlight for the above mention Smart Car, but as they say, "diamonds are a girl's best friend".
I've always wanted to see Paris, France. If I had money to burn and didn't have to repair the pool and deck, Beloved Husband and I could fly round trip First Class together three times. If we flew coach, we could make the round-trip together once a week for a full year! C'est la vie.
My closet could hold JoLo's Louis Vuitton bag-- 92 of them to be exact! But for the record-- I would only buy one so I'd have money left to actually put inside the purse.
One hundred and two romantic nights could be spent at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel's Deluxe Executive Suite. I love that place. It's where they filmed the movie "Pretty Woman". The idea of having someone else make my bed for 102 days in a row is very inviting. But alas, I must stay focus on the backyard.
I could ride on one of these cute little Vespa Scooters. Actually I could ride on 15 of them for the price of the repair. I hear Gwyneth Paltrow rides one around London. We could be BFF's if I switched my trip from Paris to Jolly Old England. Okay, maybe not.
On a more practical note, I could buy groceries for our household for 6 years or I could send a grandkid to college at UCLA for 3 years including tuition and room & board. Eleven thousand pounds of M&Ms candies is tempting as is 660 bottles of Dom Perignon Champagne, but I don't drink anymore.
Not that he's a car freak, but Beloved would look nice behind the wheel of this Maserati Quattroporte. We could only buy one but I think one would be enough to make him happy.
But seriously, who am I kidding. We can either spend the loot to repair our backyard and protect the investment in our home, or we could buy 1,100,000 Tylenol PM pills, which is how much we'd need to be able to (almost) sleep at night as we waited for the rest of the yard to slide down the hill.
Big sigh. Sometime you just have to be an adult and make the hard decisions.
But still, a pretty little red Vespa would be kinda nice. Maybe if the repair job comes in under budget, Beloved won't notice me sneaking one into the garage. Just one, honest.
The repair project starts in about three weeks. With a little luck, we'll be sitting here in the backyard by spring.
I don't even want to think about what our bank account will look like.
If money was not an issue, what would you spend it on?
Welcome to The Fifty Factor - Joanna Jenkins