What Did He Say?

To say I'm not a fan of the dentist is an understatement! But then again, who loves getting their teeth cleaned or drilled? Not me, I'm a wimp, but it's one of those things you just have to do and get it over with.

On my Monday visit, I noticed a definite change around my dentist's office. Gone was the perky hygienist who'd been cleaning my teeth the the past six years. Gone was the receptionist who always called the day before an appointment to reconfirm and gone with my happy, friendly dentist. In his place was a crabby guy who looked just like my regular dentist only this guy had a full-on attitude and a giant chip on his shoulder.

Apparently, the sagging economy has made it's way to the dental biz and he was not happy about picking up the slack. He'd laid off staff and was once again a "working stiff" doing the "grunt work". Yep, he actually said those words. It was early so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought perhaps he hadn't had his morning coffee yet.

Dentist went on to grouse about being "reduced" to cleaning my teeth and having to "lug around" the lead x-ray apron all by his lonesome. Let me tell you, there was a lot of moaning and groaning, huffing and puffing, and whining going on, and it was only 8:15 in the morning! I wanted to speed dial Starbucks for a delivery to shut him up.

The poor pitiful doc had to do his own charting too-- Which made me wondered where his pen had been before my oral exam because each time he picked it up to write, he then threw the pen back down on my chart and stuck his rubber-gloved hands into my mouth again. I'm guessing he does that with all his patients. It gave me pause and a couple of WTH? moments.

While he was digging around in my mouth for the cleaning, I squinted to read his framed diplomas hanging on the walls. He was so rough I figured it must have been quite a while since he'd taken a class in "gentle" cleaning. Low and behold he graduated in 1973; I'm sure he'd forgotten most of what he learned.

Doc Dentist has joked over the years that he "can't make any money off my mouth". I'm lucky to only have two cavities in my 51 year old teeth, but now, apparently, it wasn't a joke anymore. With his hands and a couple of instruments jammed in my mouth, my lips stretched wider than the Grand Canyon, exasperated, Doc asked if I'd recently had my teeth whitened, which I had-- at Brite Smile. That prompted a rant about how tough business was for him. Um, okay, but he doesn't offer Brite Smile.

Oblivious to my discomfort and squirming from his polishing drill jabbing my mouth, Doc then launched into a sales pitch for a $17 tube of whitening tooth paste. Yes, seventeen dollars and it was for a "travel size" tube! I scanned the room for a mirror to see if I wore a stupid face that day.

Doc was working it too-- non-stop-- brighter, whiter, fantastic, blah, blah, blah. I'm making hand gestures of "no thanks". He kept talking. I give him a thumbs down. The sales pitch continued. I try to make "no thanks" noises while he nearly drowns me with the water spray. Finally I close my eyes with my hands folded tightly together so as not to give him the middle finger salute.

At last I was allowed to rinse and he asked how many tubes of toothpaste I wanted. I ignore him. "How about some new sparkle mouthwash to go with it?" he asks! "I'll give you a good price."

Did I step into The Twilight Zone, Let's Make a Deal or the friggin nut house without realizing it? My dentist was hocking unnecessary stuff to beef up his sales? What's next-- Amway, Tupperware, Avon?

By now, my head is ready to poop off my shoulders and frankly, I'm none too please by the strong arm sales tactics. I wiped my mouth, dried my face and pulled bits of mystery stuff from my hair before I turn around and firmly, but politely, said no thank you. One. Last. Time. Then I walked out to the billing station.

The doc wrote up my $30 co-pay invoice himself and asked for CASH! When I gave him two twenty dollar bills he told me he didn't have any change. Huh? I offered a check or credit card. Nope, he only accepts cash now. So I folded my arms and said I'd give him twenty now and mail him a check for ten or HE could make change, but I was not leaving him forty bucks-- As if the extra ten dollars was a tip?!?!

Houston we have a problem. We both stood there with our arms folded in a stare down.

Tick, tick, tick....

He blinked first.... And actually pulled a wad of cash out of his pants pocket and handed me ten bucks!

As you might imagine, I did not get the usual free toothbrush and dental floss in the little plastic bag with smile faces on it. And I did not pre-book my next appointment in six months. Oh yeah, and he doesn't validate for parking anymore either.

Can anyone recommend a good dentist-- without an attitude?

Welcome to The Fifty Factor - Joanna

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