Sunday, July 19, 2009

Dating: Chapter Four

What is it about guys and blind dates?  Either they want no part of them or they think they are the master of "hook-ups"!

Case in point-- my husband.

We'd been dating for about six months when my husband/then boyfriend proposed a double date with my BFF and his long lost work buddy-- Who'd just gotten dumped by his too young, too hot, too gold-digging, huge-boobed, girlfriend.  Yes, that should have been my first clue that this guy was a few brain cells short of quality dating material, but nooooo, I made the arrangements for the four of us to meet for drinks at an oh so chic restaurant bar.  "My guy" assured me that "her guy" would be terrific for BFF, whom he'd never met by the way.  Red flag number two went right over my head. 

BFF had recently broken off her engagement to a longtime beau and was still not quite sure of her next step in the dating world, but figured since I'd been gushing about how fabulous "my guy" was, his friend should be fabulous too.  Right?  Note to self when arranging future blind dates:  Do not make assumptions of this nature.

So there we were, the three of us waiting for "her guy" to show up.  He was running late but it gave BFF a Cosmopolitan head start for her first foray in blind dating since the teen years.  Might I add, BFF's HOT and very hip.

We quizzed "my guy" about "her guy" and discovered he was a divorced accountant with two kids in high school. He lived in a geographically desirable radius of BFF's apartment-- an important factor when considering Los Angeles' nightmare traffic, and he was "a really nice guy". 

BFF and I kept our eyes on the front door, checking out all the men as they walked through-- All in the appropriate "age range", all reasonably attractive, all appearing to be from this planet, if you catch my drift.

And then, a full thirty minutes late, "her guy" appears at the table.  We'd seen him walk in but dismissed "Grandpa" at first glance.  There was a painful pregnant pause as he was introduced.  BFF and I shot inquisitive looks to "my guy" asking if "Grandpa" was indeed the blind date.  

Sure enough, they started reminiscing about the glory days as junior accountants together and lord help me, I thought BFF would kill me right then and there.

It had never dawned on me to ask "my guy" if "her guy" was, um, how can I say this delicately, um, err-- Well-- I never asked if "her guy" was older than Moses!  Nor did I ask if he had a pocket protector full of pens in a rainbow of colors or, if after discussing the glory days, he'd have anything to talk about other than his ex or how filthy rich he was.  Oh yeah, and I never asked if "her guy" would do anything other than stare at BFF's boobs all night. 

BFF kicked me under the table until I was black and blue.

"Her guy" was completely oblivious as he proclaimed his great wealth and told stories about how much money he'd thrown at his recent ex-girlfriend, as if that information would seal the deal with BFF.  Oh yeah, this guy was already picking out China patterns for the two of them! 

I was half sick to my stomach and half trying desperately not to laugh-- The situation was that bazaar!  All I could think was, it must have been a while since "her guy" had been on a date or he'd forgotten the golden rule of dating-- Don't talk about your ex-girlfriend to a potential new one.

BFF ordered her second Cosmopolitan while I tried desperately to find some enduring qualities in this guy.

Ninety painful minutes after he arrived, "her guy" left for a business dinner.  Good-byes were awkward, as he asked her name again, and no phone numbers were exchanged. But, I got the feeling he was very confident love was in the air as he patted her on the tush.  "Her guy" made a lot of assumptions and knew absolutely nothing about BFF, because he was the only one talking-- about himself-- the entire time!

The three of was watched, in silence, as "her guy" left the restaurant and disappeared out of sight.  As soon as the coast was clear, I turned to "my guy" and blurted out...

"Are you kidding me!  He's older than my Grandfather!!!  What were you thinking?!?!"

To which "my guy" answered--  

"What are you talking about, he's my age!"

OMG, again!!!

Bartender, another round please.

BFF sucked down her third Cosmopolitan faster than you can say "I'm not touching this one with a ten foot pole." and left the building.  Her message on my home phone that night summed it up for all of us perfectly--

Never again!!!

It's a miracle BFF is still my BFF twenty years later.  All I can say is, I learned my lesson that night and have never, ever, set up a blind date with or without "my guy's" help.  
And my husband still can't believe it wasn't a love connection! 

What's your track record with blind dates?
Welcome to The Fifty Factor  -  Joanna


  1. Snarky Sister!
    We are in sync as usual because my post tomorrow is all about Internet dating! OMG can I relate to your BFF, but she knows the real deal when she sees it. That's why long after phone numbers are thankfully lost, she still has you as her BFF!

  2. How funny :0) I would love to read that post from your husbands point of view - I am sure it would be comedy genius!

  3. What a funny post! Some blind dates do work though - my hubby and I met on one and have been married almost 28 years now!

  4. LOL; what an experience for all of you!!! hubby/me tried to set up 2 of our friends on a blind date once; it didn't work; I think we got smart after that and decided everyone was on their own after that; but people do have success with them as evidenced by Mari's comment.

    stay cool these days; we are in the midst of a heat wave, have to remind myself it is summer.....


  5. Although Boo was pretty much a blind date, they now scare me (blind dates). I seriously think that the pickings are getting a bit skimpy out here so thank God I'm almost no longer single. I have blogged about my dates in the past, on my blog. They were nightmares, to say the least. At least your hubby meant well.

  6. lol great story! Glad BFF is still your BFF.
    It wasn't a blind date I was on but when I was 18 I went to Spain for the 6 weeks and went to a bar with some neighbours (one of whom was working there). She brought over a drink for me and said it was from 'that guy' as she pointed to a 6ft tanned guy. He was ok-looking I thought and after a couple more waitress go-betweens he came over for a dance (that should have been my first clue). So we danced, my friends took the piss out of me and we sat down to 'talk' and he did just that. After 30 minutes he had told me about his ex-wife (yes, he was about 20 years older than me and didn't care I was only 18), his daughter and said how special sex was.
    If looks could kill my waitress friend would have died a thousand deaths. Needless to my friends and I made our excuses and left and even though I gave him my number (he was bossy and I was freaking out what can I say?) he never heard from me again.
    And I never repeated that mistake!

  7. Well, twenty years later it makes for a great story. And since I'm originally from LA (moved here at 24) I recognize "her guy" type. UGG.

  8. I have to say it was really funny reading about this but I am sure it was not funny at the time! Your husband's friend is such a sad character. I have seen the type many times. Your friend was a good sport but I am sure she had some things to say about the situation.

  9. Blind dates - who invented that concept, anyhow?

  10. My first (and I think my last) was when I was about 23 and a friend set me up for New Year's Eve, which just so happens to be my birthday (I know, major mistake). It was the worst birthday, New Year's Eve, to date.

    I don't believe I've ever set anyone up. Thank goodness!

  11. I once arranged one for a great guy that I worked with and a woman I'd been friends with for 20 years. It was a pleasant evening, and they talked on the phone a few times afterward, but didn't really click. A couple of years later, when I told her he was getting married, she said she thought she'd missed the boat on that one. I thought so, too, but he seems blissfully happy with his new wife and she's now dating someone else, so all's well.

  12. Hi Joanna!
    Thanks for the nice comment.My blog commemorate the 100ª POST, and we have a gift to you: It's a lovely stamp create by an Art Design Desirée.It's yours,copy and decorate your blog.

  13. You tell a great story! I laughed throughout! What is it about men with lots of money, huge egos and little, um, well, you know? They think the world evolves around them and are totally oblivious. Of course, there are many enhanced beauties out there who seem to be magnetically attracted to dollar signs. On the one hand, it perpetuates a problem. On the other hand, it provides amusement for people like me. Blind date? Once. Big mistake. BIG.

  14. Joanna, Thanks for commenting on my site on the first day - it really makes me feel welcome to the wonderful world of blogs.

    BTW, I'm married to my ex-husband's best friend, and we all get along great. Loved your story!

  15. that's a funny story, your poor BFF! My sister's neighbour did recently set up a couple that actually got married, I think she just has a knsck for the stuff!

  16. That is still hysterical - 20 years later. And I so can see the whole scene - you wrote it perfectly!

    And so glad you love the rug - and how sweet of you to thank me on your sidebar! *blushing*

  17. OMG, that was hilarious! I was set up with blind dates twice in my life. The guys weren't bad and I dated them for a while. But the worst part about the blind dates? Because it's someone who set you up and they think they are "cupid" - when you break up with the guy, the hardest part is telling the friend who set you up! Lol.

  18. ha. great story. think i am with eternally distracted, would love a he said, she said on this one. i know better, just stay away...very far away.retru

  19. Oh, that's the funniest thing I ever heard!! I can only say that I don't have any experience in the blind date department, never having been on one or set one up for someone else, but I definitely enjoyed the story!!

  20. I was in that same situation only I was your BFF. My date was the classically awful blind date: bald, fat, and actually pretty rude.

    I left. Yup. Left right after I finished my second shot of Jim Beam. Which was about 7 mins after meeting Mr. You've got to be kidding. Oh yeah, I can drink like a sailor.

  21. thanks for stopping by and thanks for giving me a laugh :)

    and blind dates....ohhhh, never have I been on one or have I ever set one up....too much pressure whichever side you're on.....

  22. I have never been successful at setting up blind dates...and yet I keep trying. That makes me a good BF...right;)

  23. Great story - but not for your BFF! Poor her...

    I did have a blind date once and it went very well... We had a relationship for years and are still friends today.

  24. OMG that is a great story! One blind date in my life and it was a bust! Never again did I tread those waters.

  25. What a funny post! But I know it was not so funny at the time! Thank you so much for the sweet comment on my blog. enJOY your day!

  26. Oh boy, I vetoed ALL blind dates in my single days. Primarily because of things like this where my "BFF"s would fix me up with the "perfect guy for me" only to have him end up being the proverbial frog. lol

  27. Great story. Funny how our perceptions can be so different.

  28. i´m always disappointed when your posts come to an end. you always leave me wanting more! besos! jane

  29. Just how old is "older than Moses", Joanna? Because that line had me laughing out loud.

    Great post, my friend.


  30. Yes after that one, you are lucky BFF is still your BFF.

  31. I met my current ball n' chain online. In a sports chat room.

    Both his friends and my friends warned us repeatedly that the other was a weirdo and could possibly kill and cut up the other into little pieces.

    It was love at first sight. ;)

    I love your story however. YnB sent me over, glad she did!

  32. blind dates do work occasionally - my wife and I met on a blind date set up by her older friend.

    So your guy was just trying to help a friend in need. You said your BFF was hot right?

    IMHO women expect too much from blind dates.

    Don't you think a blind date set up by a friend would be better than one from an online service?

  33. Ooh what is it about these kinds of life experiences that have me on the edge of my seat! How completely rude and up himself was grandpa, giving her a bye bye on the tush and all. I have never liked a blind date yet, and thankfully only went on a couple. Almost embarrassing to admit having been on any really, they never fail to make a person feel more desperate than one actually is. Thank heavens none made me want to throw a drink over his head, as ol grandad would 'ave.

  34. What a great story! and what a great friend! ;-)

  35. I just snotted all over my keyboard, Joanna. Thanks for that.

    "Her guy" talking about his ex-girlfriend was second in bad judgment only to his bragging about his wealth. Can you say "classless?" Eeeewww.

  36. Seriously, that is a wonderful post!

  37. I'm assuming, that by 20 years later, she has found the man of her dreams, without any help from you or "your guy".

  38. That was seriously hilarious.. poor BFF! lol

  39. hahaha! LOL! What a great story.

  40. I went on a blind date once. I hated hurting his feelings and turning him down for another one. He was a little creepy and way too sensitive.

    Blind dates are blind dates because the moment you see them, you wish you hadn't. In my experience, anyway.

  41. Oh my goodness, yes! You're spot on. Not that I've ever tried to hook anyone up - one single blind date experience was plenty for me to learn that I wanted nothing to do with that particular form of socialising!

  42. Which is why I never went on a blind date! Ever.

    I loved your Overheard in Los Angeles post. I used to live in LA, escaped to Ventura Co two years ago. Yeah, LaLaLand is the land of extroverted phone users.

  43. never had one
    never set one up
    I did try to set my husband up with my sister when we first met.
    Clearly, 4 kids with him later, that didn't happen.

  44. I really don't know how I missed this one. How funny! I'm glad that you are still BFFs after that. Wow!

    I don't really have much experience with blind dates but I'd only seen my future Hubby once at a dance before we went on our first date and we've been together ever since. We were "set-up" by my ex-boyfriend who was also a mutual friend of ours. Is that weird?


  45. That sounds painful! I can't believe how oblivious some people can be; it's a good thing he had somewhere else to go.


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