Sunday, March 4, 2012

Say What?!?!


Here in the Jenkins House of Colds and Flu, I knew that after more than three weeks with the worst bronchitis bug I've had in years, that I was looking pretty ragged but I didn't know exactly how bad I was looking until our neighbor, a real estate agent, knocked on the door.


Let's call this guy "Bruce".  He knocks on our door every month to hand out some useless tshatshke with his name and phone number on it in hopes that, should we decided to sell our house, we'll call him first.  He's a nice enough guy but with a drawer full of his junk I kinda feel bad taking any more of his promo materials.


This time when I opened the door for Bruce, he took a giant step backwards away from me.  That was my first clue that I was clearly not at my best and wondered if I'd even combed my hair that morning.  He proceed to chat with his notepad covering his mouth and nose despite my being a full six feet away and with absolutely no plans of kissing the guy on the lips, or anywhere else for that matter.


He chatted away as I suppressed a cough and the urge to blow my nose all the while nodding my head at the appropriate times.  For the record, if Bruce wasn't a neighbor, I'd have never opened the door.  I'm not a fan of those types of cold calls and have no intention of selling my home anytime soon.


Five minutes into his chattering and close to the moment I thought I'd teeter over from boredom and/or a cough attack, Bruce changed conversation gears, got very serious, and handed me his business card.  The expression on his face was that of a guy who'd just eaten a sour pickle.  In hindsight, perhaps he was concerned that my eyes were starting to roll around my head.


Bruce proceed, with great concern, to tell me that he sincerely hoped I had my Will and estate in order and asked if I would please include his business card along with a note stating that he was my preferred real estate agent should I pass away before I sold the house.


I stood there in stunned silence.


So he kept on talking.... Saying that it's always best not to die in the house if at all possible and certainly not to die in some horrific manner as it would stigmatize the house and must be disclosed to potential buyers.


For the record, I am a licensed real estate agent and I know all about disclosing info on a property but I have never, ever, heard a real estate agent asking to be included in a Last Will and Testament, but there my neighbor was, doing just that.
 
I stood there taking this hideous sales pitch in and wondered if Bruce was giving this spiel to the entire neighborhood or just me in all my bronchitis glory.  I thought for a moment of bursting out laughing in his face but, well, he's a neighbor and that could be awkward.  So instead, I started coughing, and coughing and coughing..... until he went away.

Sheesh.

Welcome to www.TheFiftyFactor.com  -  Joanna Jenkins
Photo Credit © alexskopje - Fotolia.com

45 comments:

Ami said...

That is truly bizarre. For the record, you look wonderful, though. :)

Jeanie said...

I'd give the guy credit for his chutzpah, but that is the extent of anything I would want to give him. It sounds like he may be disappointed at your full recovery.

Kristina P. said...

I would have coughed all over him and told him I hoped HE had his will ready.

tattytiara said...

Honestly, balls that brazen would definitely get my business.

Shug said...

I guess he really believes in "Persistence Pay's Off"
Hope you feel better real soon..
Blessings
shug

Taradharma said...

Mr. Clueless for sure. Bound to go far (not) in business.

Hope you feel better soon!

Ina in Alaska said...

What a blockhead. Hope he catches what you have & keels over in his house.

DJan said...

Good Lord! I hope you were able to give him a little bit of your cold; he certainly deserves it. Last Will and Testament? I think the guy is not the sharpest knife in the drawer...

Christine said...

When you're not feeling well, people like this seem even worse than they are!

Webster said...

Well Joanna, I did burst out laughing at his truly rude suggestion to you. Next time I wouldn't answer the door. He seems to be a salesman, and I use that word in the most pejorative way. Oh, I hope you get well soon. Drink lots of warm soothing tea.

Marilyn *Pink Martinis and Pearls* said...

Wow. Way to go for knowing how to close a sale. It's amazing what nerve people have.Isn't it fun though to think about all the things you could've said?

Amy said...

Joanna, I'm totally with Kristen P....i would coughed on his sorry behind and made sure I wiped my nose then offered to shake his hand...what a muppet....I hope you are feeling better soon...my husband and I both have had that nasty bronchitis and are still trying to get rid of the cough that goes with it....i do have to say that i did get a good laugh out of this one...Amy

Formerly known as Frau said...

Wow unbelievable I think the second he realized you are sick it's time to move on! Hope you are feeling better soon!

Ms Sparrow said...

OMG! That man's behavior was totally off-putting and crude!

CiCi said...

Neighbor or not, you have the patience of a saint. There is no way I would have been able to stand and listen to that spiel. No way. I don't know what I would done though, maybe simply saying I was too ill to stand there, and close the door. Does Bruce know you too are a licensed real estate agent? Lots of my family are in the real estate and/or mortgage business there in CA. Another reason I am content to rent this little hippie house way out here in Nebraska!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Balls!
I bet you were tempted to cough right in his face.

Zuzana said...

I think you did well, I woudl have told him to get lost, neighbor or no neighbor.;)) I guess his business is not going too well when he resorts to these kind of measures.;)
xoxo

SueAnn said...

Amazing the nerve of some people!! You were way too polite...should have given him the heave ho for sure.
Sheesh is an understatement!!
Hope you feel better soon
Hugs
SueAnn

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

Oh, good grief! That's really a bizarre sales pitch! You must have really looked ill -- but even so, that's terrible! I sure hope you're feeling better by now.

bill lisleman said...

Unbelievable. Maybe from insurance or religious peddler but an real estate broker, how weird. So glad you posted it. I enjoyed the laugh.

Emom said...

Ha!.....Bruce must be getting pretty desperate to take a chance on offending a neighbor....holy cow! I am amazed at some people's nerve.....hope you feel better!...smiles

Nezzy said...

I can't believe the uninvited agent givin' out that kinda of advice no matter the situation. I fear I'd laughed him plumb of the Ponderosa!!!

Don't think I can't do it!!!

I'm so sorry your still battlin' the coughin' crud. Hon, I'm sendin' ya a big old batch of hugs and prayers.

God bless, have an uninterrupted day free of unwelcomed neighbors. Feel better sweetie! :o)

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

I can't believe you stood there and listened for so long. You are one patient woman!

grannyann said...

Jeez that took some nerve. That is desperation for business. Need to hook him up to the lady who calls daily from Card Services.

Unknown Mami said...

I laughed so hard at his inappropriateness.

diane said...

The guy's a creep, pure and simple. Obviously after a big buck any way he can get it. Next time he comes over, hide. If you bump into him somewhere and he asks why you don't answer the door, you can tell him you were in the bathroom, taking a dump in that lovely toilet that he wants so desperately to sell. the jerk.

LadyFi said...

The cheek of the man!

Please get better soon!

King of New York Hacks said...

I must say...I laughed very hard reading this !! LOL , and I loved how you finished strong with a good cough...and was hoping a good kick in his ass would follow !! Ha !! Hey , all our neighbors need one sometimes !!! Hahah !! Hope you're on the mend JJ, Blessings and healing honks comin' your way from the NYC...Cheers ~ Edward

R. J. said...

The bad news is your cold, the good news is he can now share it. I can't believe how insensitive he was. He should find another way to promote his business. I wouldn't have opened the door.

Shrinky said...

OMG, what a vulture! He sounds a royal pain in the arse to live next to, I commend you for your patience, were it me, I'd have been tempted to have stepped forward and leaned in to whisper in his ear, coughing up and spraying as much phlem as I could muster, "We rent", before slamming the door hard on his nose.

Hope you're feeling better.

darsden said...

Oh my I was starting to sway with you...Some people just don't get it. SURE hope you are feeling better. It has been running around down here and hard to shake.

Cathy Clementz said...

OH, how funny! Not the being sick part, but just the way you told the whole thing!!! Seems like he'd get the drift eventually.

Maybe you should toy with him a bit and put a FOR SALE sign in your yard and list your realtor credentials with it!?

Chrisy said...

This is hilarious....Bruce is a barrel of laughs isn't he...next time he comes maybe tell him that you're sorry but George... of .... Real Estate has been soooo kind to you since you haven't been well...lovely gifts...and you've decided that he'd be better able to look after your home once you've departed!!!

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

I burst out laughing, read this post to my husband and he burst out laughing!

Bruce is definitely looking for a niche market!

SE'LAH... said...

wow - wow. i am at a loss for words.

you stay loving and healthy. sending healing vibes your way. thinking of you and thanking the heavens for friends like you.

one love.

Cindy La Ferle said...

Holy smoke ... WHAT a weirdo !!! Don't answer your door the next time he knocks, seriously, JJ !!

Suldog said...

That is truly... stunning. For real? The guy said that?!? I would have coughed in his face and said, "Same to you!"

Marisa @ Getting Back To Basics said...

Geez...Bruce is a real piece of cake...I would make a note that when I'm ready to croak to do it in my house just to piss the bugger off!!!

Joyce said...

Oh dear I'm sorry you still are not feeling well. I have never heard of this sale pitch before. I guess times are hard and he needs to cover all angles. Feel better my friend. xo

Tracy said...

I am so sorry you still are not feeling well...that can hang on for weeks. My teacher assistant still has the remnants of pnuemonia from 5 weeks ago so take good care and well, Bruce does have weird timing...

Casey Freeland said...

That is nearly the most bizarre marketing scheme I've encountered. Creep. I'm sorry. Sorry about your illness too. :(

Cheers,

Casey

Connie said...

Just when you think you have heard it all! Hope you are fully recovered by now! Regards, Connie

Hilary said...

Sheesh.. that's the wrong business for a guy who lacks social skills. Unbelievable.

Mrs4444 said...

Wow. Just wow. That's incredible. I have to admit, though; your story made me think of Phil Dunfey (the realtor in Modern Family). Maybe you could sell this story to the show producers!haha

Lilly said...

I would have told him what you had was contagious. How terrible and how odd. Bruce must be desperate for sales.