Bling

These days you can spot me a mile away, that is, if you aren't blinded by my bling. I'm wearing every piece of jewelry I own-- And I'm not kidding-- 53 years worth of jewelry-- Real, fake, heirloom, junk, even a macaroni necklace Godson made in the 1st grade. Everything!

Typing is uncomfortable with two watches on each wrist and several bracelets and bangles clanking together. My fingers are loaded with multiple rings and I'm getting an itchy neck from the many necklaces I'm sporting. Earrings were a challenge but I decided to wear my best pair and the others are in a couple of pouches in my purse-- A backpack that I have strapped on. Where I go, the bling goes.

No, I'm not making a fashion statement. And no, I am not claiming to be "Mrs. Got Rocks" with an expensive collection of jewels. I have a few nice pieces but mostly I have jewelry that I love because of the people who gave it to me. So I made a calculated decision to "use it or lose it", even if that means my fashion statement is a definite "don't" you'd see in magazines.

My reasoning is simple. Our neighborhood has been hit with a string of burglaries-- 15 to be exact, since February. Two guys in hooded sweatshirts, in the middle of the day, walking casually down driveways to the backs of houses, breaking windows and grabbing laptops, cash, medications and jewelry-- thus my new fashion statement.

For the record, I hide my laptop, have little cash at home, and no one in their right mind would want to take my lupus medication- And if by mistake they do, well, all I can say is good luck with that sucker.

Let me preface this by saying we live in what is considered a "safe" neighborhood therefore the only time we EVER see a police car is on the main boulevard for their monthly "traffic ticket speed-trap day". A cruiser actually cruising our streets is a very rare occurrence.

Until now. Cops are everywhere. Yeah!

It wouldn't surprise me if every single household in the three mile robbery radius has called our local city councilman, the police department, and the local police command station complaining, begging and pleading for more protection as a result of the unsolved robberies.

I'm guessing these phone calls are most likely from *cough*ahem*hysterical*cough* people just like me-- Women at home alone during the day-- blasting their DVD player with 101 Dalmatians and Marley & Me so would-be robbers know someone's home and seriously thinking of getting a Very. Big. Dog.

To say I'm angry and nervous about the whole situation is an understatement but I'm just this side of getting a ginormous dog for protection. I'm hopeful the thieves will be caught before I break down and get a well-trained, four-legged burglar deterrent and the dog hair that does with it.

In the meantime, I'll continue wearing all my bling and playing loud barking dog movies day and night. I figure at very least, the robbers will think I'm too crazy to deal with... At least a girl can hope.

Hope you're enjoying November!

Welcome to www.TheFiftyFactor.com - Joanna Jenkins

Photo Credit: © JackF - Fotolia.com

Splish Splash

We've had a lot of rain in Los Angeles lately with more in the forecast. I'm looking forward to it clearing up so I can splash around a little-- Like this guy....

That looks like a lot of fun!

Welcome to www.TheFiftyFactor.com - Joanna Jenkins

Ode To The Obama Dog - Not The Crazy Dog Lady

I absolutely love babies and animals but I do not have either.  And, I'm not complaining.  I knew early in life that I wasn't cut out for motherhood on any level and I've never regretted either decision for a moment.

But with all the "Obama Dog Drama" of late, I've been tempted to pick up a pooch or carry a cat home from my local shelter. They're just so darn cute!  It would be nice to have a furry friend curled up at my feet.  But no!  I must stand firm.  The older I get the more sure I am about my "no pet" policy.

You see, in my small Midwest hometown there was a lovely spinster librarian who lived on a big piece of land on the main drag of town.  Despite the property's size, it's location lent itself to the whole town always knowing her business.  One day, the locals noticed she had a few sheep roaming in the yard.  Then more sheep.  And more sheep.  And more sheep!  I'm talking about A LOT of sheep roaming outside and inside her house.  It was quite a sight and you can only imagine the smell.  Since she had no children, she immediately became known as the town's "Crazy Sheep Lady" who had sheep instead of kids.  It was such a stinky spectacle, and people talked about her so much, that she is why, even after all these years, I simply cannot have a pet of my own.

I have no doubt that, like the Crazy Sheep Lady, I too would not stop with just one fluff-ball to call my own.  A person always needs at least two pets so they can keep each other company. And of course I'd feed any stray cats my precious flea-bag might bring home.  Then, before you know it, I'd be the Crazy Cat Lady-- The nut case with too many cats instead of kids.  No thank you.

A dog would be even worse.  Do you ever notice that nobody makes fun of grown women-- with children-- who coo over their pampered pups?  You know the type.  They talk baby talk to their doggie-woggie and put bows and in their fur and booties on their paws.  But a woman without children dressing and carrying their pup in their Prada-- Well, the Crazy Dog Lady title is all but hers.

So no pets for this fifty-something non-mama.  I'll live vicariously through Malia and Sasha Obama and hope they love their new Portuguese Water Dog, named Bo, enough for all of us.

What's your take on pets?

Welcome to TheFiftyFactor  -  Joanna