It took a long moment for his words to register in my brain, his thick Russian accent playing tricks on my ears, or so I thought....
"You have very big poops."
He said it several times in response to the alarmed look on my face...
"Very big poops! Not good."
Standing in my living room, I took a step back, almost in self defense, and to distance myself from the potential conversation this near stranger was attempting to have with me. Joseph had been washing my windows, inside and out, for the past ten years but we were hardly on friendly enough terms for this type of chit-chat.
Again, with one last ditch effort to help me understand he said...
"YOU.
HAVE.
VERY.
BIG.
POOPS!"
...As if saying it slower and louder would make it easier for my brain to comprehend.
And then he held up his hand to show me, his thick fingers unfolding to reveal mouse poop.
Oh thank gawd!
Seriously, the first thing I thought was that now I didn't have to find a new window washer because I definitely would not hire a poop talking guy again, but alas, it was only mouse poop.
Phew!
Then the words sunk in. Mouse poop!
WTH?!?
Joseph found the "big poops", three small droppings, upstairs in my office. That meant the "mouse" was INSIDE my house-- In fact, it was on the floor next to my sewing machine.
Instantly my head hurt.
Thirty minutes later I was at Ace Hardware buying mouse traps in small, medium and large sizes to capture the pooping pest and get it the hell out of my house. Eleven traps ought to do it, don't you think? (I hope, I hope!)
But before I raced to the store, I closed my bedroom door-- Right after I scoured it high and low for any trace of mouse droppings. There were none, thank gawd, otherwise I'd have to move into a hotel until the deed was done and the mouse, which, in my imagination was growing by leaps and bounds, lived elsewhere.
So now here I sit, with legs crossed under me so there isn't the slightest possibility of our four-legged friend scurrying over my feet to get to the peanut butter filled traps. And yes, I have said several sincere prayers that the traps are indeed for a mouse and not it's much larger cousin.
Ewww.
*****
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Any secrets to scaring away mice? I mean mouse, please god, let there only be one!
Welcome to www.TheFiftyFactor. com - Joanna Jenkins
photo credit: © Marek - Fotolia.com
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Very funny! I couldn't imagine what he was talking about, other than the obvious, of course :)
ReplyDeleteToo funny! I was trying to figure out what he was telling you, and had no clue!
ReplyDeleteHope that mouse is caught quick!
Yikes! Now I have my feet up. We haven't had any mice in the house, but we caught a couple in the garage a while back. I got good at running really fast to get to my car for a while.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing that popped in my mind was how would he know that...I was going to say have him arrested...lol...I so understand the mouse situation...thank goodness I have a cat,,,but your traps should work...good luck...keep your feet up.
ReplyDeletehugs.
Haha how funny!!!
ReplyDeleteI hope you find the mouse!
For the record.... I know the droppings are new because the entire house was cleaned, from top to bottom, just two days age-- So this is a new situation-- And I'm officially freaked out by it. Ugh.
ReplyDeletexo jj
i dunno big poops might not have been bad in comparison...haha...funny story jj
ReplyDeleteUck. We had a mouse. It went for the sticky trap. No one mentioned my big poops though...
ReplyDeleteSo funny!
ReplyDeleteA relative had a mouse problem the other day and apparently the trick is to find out where they are entering the house from and seal that hole. They might be too smart for the peanut butter!
Oh dear. There is never only one mouse. Where there is one, there is likely st least five more... then ten ... then, well you get the picture.
ReplyDeleteThey have come in where it is warm, likely feasting on the bugs in your attic.
But then, what do I know? I have three cats! My mice stay behind the walls where it's safe.
when I first moved to Hawaii I had a hard time understanding local people. now i think folks from the continent talk funny. . .
ReplyDeleteAloha from Waikiki
Comfort Spiral
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Oh Joanna! I think I sent my creature from Oregon to your place. He was big enough to make big poops too. The scary thought is that it is walking around bravely, like he knows exactly where the party is. Hope you catch him soon so you'll have no more big poops.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your compliments my friend.
Freakin mice!
ReplyDeleteWe had LOTS of them in our last home, thanks to two piggy teenage sons living like pigs upstairs!
I used peanut butter on traps too... and I caught about 9 all up!
I hope you catch yours before he/she multiplies!!!
BLUE ornament if I win!!!
Oh - too funny!
ReplyDeleteWe had mice in the walls and in the end had to call in Anticimex to get rid of them...
LOL... I am so used to not understanding.. or being understood... daily part of my life..Ha? What?.. made me laugh.. Have a fabulous weekend! ;-)
ReplyDeleteEek!!! A mouse!! Climb the chair!!
ReplyDeleteHa!
I would love a silver ornament!!
Hugs
SueAnn
ha!!! You nut!!! I don't feel so badly now about my misunderstanding about mountain horses..which actually translates to mountain oysters.
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing because some day you will laugh too! I hope you have a plan for when the trap snaps....who is on disposal duty of the big poop maker?? Yikes!
ReplyDeleteI think your window washer might be related to one of my neighbors, just can NEVER understand the guy. nice guy though.
ReplyDeleteLiving in the mountains, mice are a part of life. We use safetraps, they cost about a buck. Then we take the mouse about a mile away from our house (safetrap tucked into a paper bag, because the poor thing is already terrified), and set him/her free.
Good luck with your mouse.
Btw, I think you might be the only person who comments on my blog anymore. Thanks for always letting me know that you are there. xo d
I do hope the mouse trap(s) catch the pooper. Once it happens, I look forward to the subsequent post. Because now you have to tell us the rest of the story, right? :-)
ReplyDeleteOkay JJ you made me spit coffee reading this, and laughing out loud again. But then the shiver set in at the word - M.O.U.S.E.
ReplyDeleteI'm not fond of those critters in my house. We had one come in with a fridge we bought years ago and I was beside myself - like you I had traps all over the place. Peanut butter worked the best to lure the critter to the trap and once he was gone I could relax again. Hugs!!
hahahahahaha!!! sooo?
ReplyDeletei love you!
I wouldn't mind mice if they didn't get into stuff and leave "poops" around. Might I suggest getting a cat to take care of the mouse problem? It worked wonders for my mom when she was invaded.
ReplyDeleteThe best solution to mice around here was our cat, Violet. It's tough, I've heard, in the city because the mice don't have as many natural predators to keep them in check. We actually have fewer problems in the country. Weird, eh?
ReplyDeleteHey, mice aren't so bad; they're certainly better than the alternatives -- roaches, or rats! I've heard that mothballs are supposed to keep them away. I've tried them -- I think they work to some extent. But the only sure thing, as suggested, is the cat (but then you've simply traded mouse poop for cat poop!)
ReplyDeleteLOL....mice can get under closed doors. just saying :)
ReplyDeleteps....they like peanut butter and that's what we use on the traps, with cheese, whenever the cottage has a mouse.
fortunately we haven't had any for a long time now....spray foam under all the open areas of the cottage is finally keeping them out !
What a hoot! lol good luck catching the little critter!
ReplyDeleteOy vey! We have them outside which is bad enough, but inside would truly leave me a neurotic mess. The other night our dog was barking incessantly and when I asked hubby wth he was barking about he says, "He cornered a rat." So now I can't step foot in the backyard again! Hope you capture your little terrorist soon.
ReplyDeleteI'm dyin' here, I'm cryin' so hard from laughter. I can just see ya tryin' to figure 'poop' thing out! Heeeehehehe!!!
ReplyDeleteHopefully you'll catch the little critters and be rid of 'em and their poop once and for all.
In the meantime they made for some hilarious blog fodder!
God bless your day sweetie!!!
This reads like an SNL skit - very funny!
ReplyDeleteHate to tell you, but closing doors will not keep mouse/mice out -- if a pencil can roll under the door, so can a mouse (even a RAT in fact). Mice don't bother me so much, but we used to get giant RATS in buildings at the university, especially buildings that contained cafes. An on-going problem. The pest control dudes would try and find the 'point of entry' and seal it up as best they could.
Good luck! And yes, pb works the best, I think, from personal experience.
I can take roaches, scorpions and even centipedes but the thought of a mouse in my house (or, ewww, it's larger cousin!) just gives me the creeps! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteSo we have electric mouse traps. They work great! You put the peanut butter inside and then when they stand on the floor of the trap to eat the bait, zap from the 4 AA batteries sends them to mouse heaven. A light on the outside lets you know you've caught an intruder. It's made by Victor and I highly recommend them.
ReplyDeleteOh, Joanna, that was so funny!
ReplyDeleteWe had a mouse in the house last year and he kept emptying the traps without getting caught. I mentioned this to a friend of ours who gave me the best trick. After you bait the trap with peanut butter, slide it into an empty cereal box (or other slim, flat box) laid on its side (the wide side). The mouse doesn't have enough room to steal the bait without getting caught. It worked great, I highly recommend it! Good luck!
Poop discussions are now all the rage thanks to Dr. Oz, but to hear about poops from the window washer.... hilarious post. Hope your pooping pest is gone by now.
ReplyDeleteWhat you need is a good mouser cat. Unless you're allergic to cats. The traps will work, too. Just that with a cat around, mice don't tend to come back.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping that they're not the larger cousin, too. Mice don't but me, but rats. Ewwww.
You crack me up. Isn't it funny how we are so scared of these little guys?! I pray I don't see any big poops. :) xo
ReplyDeleteWhen one has big poops, it is good that someone informs them. I hope you thanked Joseph for making you aware. Funny how the mice like peanut butter over cheese, huh. Maybe the new generation mice are off dairy.
ReplyDeleteMy, my, my. I'm a catch-and-release sort of guy, and I tend to give them cookies as going away presents, too, so... Anyway, good luck.
ReplyDeleteI've heard that mint is a nasty smell to a mouse, so you might plant some peppermint leaves or whatnot in places you don't want them (or ESPECIALLY don't want them, as I'm sure you don't actually want them anywhere at all.)
JJ, I needed a good laugh today! At first, I thought you were going to say that your window washer was telling you that you had big boobs or something along those lines. As for the mice, the traps should work. But I am thinking maybe you need to borrow a couple of cats. Mice can smell them, and tend to avoid hanging around. And of course, the cats hunt 'em down :-) Good luck with the poops! LOL!
ReplyDeletewhat news on the mouse front?
ReplyDeleteBest way to catch a mouse is to have a cat! Mine catch squirrels and mice regularly and we never see poop in the house! Yeah!
ReplyDeleteMice are the worst. Try not to have any food anything around ever. That will help to get rid of them.
ReplyDeleteI'd suggest a cat but they have even bigger poops.
ReplyDeletecall me crazy, but I'd rather bag cat poops that mouse poops. Maybe it's just me. :=)
ReplyDeleteMice? I've heard cats have a close relationship with them ;).
ReplyDeleteLoving the silver ornament. Sending love.
I have three cats for protection. It only took seeing one mouse scurry into the garage one chilly morning half a dozen years ago for me to start collecting felines.
ReplyDeleteThe silver ornament is lovely.
What in the world?
ReplyDeleteAlso:
scared now.
Very big...my mind would be racing like A MAMA MOUSE.
meaning, lots of baby mouses.
YUK.
please, take care of this.
For my sake.
Thank you.
Checking in this a.m. and hoping your poop problem is resolved!
ReplyDeleteLeave the mice some chocolate and you'll soon catch 'em. Mice love chocolate - well, Scottish mice do!
ReplyDeleteI was sure he was saying BOOBS, but no. Poops. Which would have been the end of your mouse problems, so don't you wish he'd said boobs?
ReplyDeleteSeasonal poop tidings:
ReplyDelete"Santa came and went last night
Traveling on his worldwide loop.
Because you weren't so good this year
You get no coal, just snowman poop.
Round and white, tasty and light
Eat some for sweet dreams tonight! "
Well the treats are sweet..of course because they are from you hon!
ReplyDeleteThe rodent droppings...ackk give me the creeps. I love little rodents..in a cage. But in my house..not so much. Not afraid of them just don't like them and they smell!! Is why I have a cat..all the time..forever:) Huge hugs..and breathe. :)
I don't think shutting the door makes a difference to a mouse!
ReplyDeleteYou have me snorting with laughter.
ReplyDeleteyou can't scare them away, but the sticky traps will work. just remember all traps must be placed up against a wall as mice tend to follow walls as they run....they don't tend to just run out in the middle of rooms.
ReplyDeletealso, you can lure them to traps with hamster food :)
good luck !!