Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Didn't I Just Turn Fifty?

How on earth did 51 happen so darn fast?
What do you think of the picture?  I got it especially for my 51st birthday and this post. Not bad for an old broad, huh?  It feels kinda hip without trying too hard, don't you think?  I saw the proofs and thought, WOW!  "50 really is the new 40"!

Well, it's not a picture not me-- Not even close, but she looks pretty good. It could have been me, oh about the time of my Bat Mitzvah, but it sure as hell isn't me today! Oh, no, no, no.

Actually, maybe, perhaps, possibly, I could have, kinda, pulled that picture off about five or six years ago before my thighs rubbed together when I walked and I could still find the pockets in my blue jeans.  But, big sigh-- That ship has sailed, sistah.

I tried desperately to embrace turning fifty along with the body changes menopause had slapped me with over the past year. Really, I did.  But now at 51, well, the whole "fifty thing" is still... just... not... working... for me...  And it probably never will.  

Can you tell I am not a fan of birthdays?  Actually, I never liked them, not even as a kid.  The whole idea of people watching me open gifts is always embarrassing.  The blowing-out-candles ritual makes me nervous.  And the "woo-hoo you're older" part is right up there in my "I'd rather have a root canal" category.  And I have no idea why.

I envy those who can embrace their birthdays and I love celebrating with them.  I've thrown my share of birthday parties for other people over the years and they've been huge hits.  I even make homemade cakes-- not the kind from a box! Birthdays are great-- just as long as they are someone else's.

So to "celebrate" my birthday today, I'm digging in the very back of my closet to pull out my favorite jeans-- the ones like the model is wearing the picture.  You know what I'm talking about-- the skinny jeans that haven't fit in years.  I just want to have one more look at them.  You see, I may not be able to find my car keys but I can always put my hands on my precious, size four, jeans from yesteryear to remember the girl I once was.  I will never part with them no matter what my menopausal apple-shaped figure becomes.  I view those jeans, with fond memories, as the lifeline to my youth.  

Oh and by the way, the model in the picture, she really is 50-- The skinny, airbrushed, bitch.

How do you celebrate birthdays?
Welcome to TheFiftyFactor  -  Joanna
Photo credit: Copyright Yuri Arcurs -


  1. You made me laugh. I am turning 51 in about 7 weeks. Hard to believe...

  2. Ho, I am SO with you on this. I am several months into 51 on my way to FREAKIN' 52! I remember from the dim past, my angst about 50. How did I get halfway to 52 so fast?

    Yes, I can relate. Well, except for the size 4 jeans. I think I was wearing them once, for about 2 months, once upon a time. They are long gone out of my closet, alas.

  3. It's amazing that someone who hates b-days has been able to make so many others feel so good about theirs. I bet you make everyone's favorite cake and main dish on their birthdays. I bet you wrap all of your relatives gifts with the prettiest bows. And I bet your decorations for parties are extravagant. Your family is extremely lucky to have you and I bet your thoughtfulness never goes unnoticed.

  4. Wow, what a nice thing to say. Thank you :-)

  5. I'm about three months from my 51st birthday and while I thought I could embrace getting older with grace, including menopause, I've yet to find a graceful way of going through this torture. I really try to just be calm about it but there is no being calm when you're talking to a 20 something and they're not hearing a word you say cause their wondering why am I sweating so profusely! Just ruins my credibility!

    But I digress. I'm hoping 51 will be just as good or better than 50. Oh, and my thighs rubbing together in the middle of a hot flash -- UGH!

    Happy Birthday to you anyway!

  6. And today... Casa Hice turns 51!

    Crack the champagne and bring out the airbrusher!


Thanks for stopping by and commenting, I really appreciate it.