Saturday, May 2, 2009

Dermatologist To The Stars

It just so happens that my dermatologist is the same doctor several well known movie stars and some very tall, very sleek, supermodels use.  I didn't plan it that way, it just happened.  

I won't name names but, trust me, you'd be star-struck and sorry you arrived that day with zero make-up on for your skin check-up.  

How do I know a tabloid baby is in 'da house. Paparazzi. Everywhere! And they aren't taking my picture.
I've seen this several times at my doc to the stars.  You know an VIP is arriving because their perfectly coiffed "people" enter the office first, scoping out the joint to make sure no photographers are hiding in the very chic waiting room.  Then they carefully scan the room to make sure people like me don't have cell phones at the ready to snap a picture.   Ha! Don't they know I'm too cool for that?  I don't need no stinking pictures! Besides, I can see them in People Magazine next week.

Once the celebrity's "people" arrive, the usually sweet office staff turns cold and, well, kind of bossy as they quickly usher me to my exam room with the snap of a finger, the door slamming shut behind me.  Did I just hear a deadbolt lock?  Mine, I might add, is an exam room at the very far end of the office away from even a whiff of the Sexiest Man Alive.

Out the frosted window, I once saw a massive Cadillac SUV with super tinted windows pull up to the curb.  Out jumped two gorilla type bodyguards.  The back door opened and in a flash, the stunning super model strutted her stuff up the runway and into the office.

Once a star is "in the building", things get really intense.  The first time this happened I thought the President of the United States had arrived with a full SWAT team.  Staff practically carries the showbiz idol into the HUGE exam room in the front of the office.  The exam room door closes ever so gently, and then, silence.  It's as if no one else was in the office-- Except for the now very loud rock music in the hallway to drown out any conversation with the star that could possibly be heard by the outside world. The muscle men and assistants are outside the room standing guard and texting on their Blackberries.   

Now the doc and his staff are all in the exam room with the super star, so I twiddle my thumbs, in my tiny exam room filled with dusty file boxes and old laser equipment, as my head pounds to the beat of the music and wait.  Just my luck to have an appointment the same day as the latest tabloid sensation.  

After an hour of waiting past my scheduled time, I once cracked open the door and, shouted over the blaring music, to ask, "Is anyone home?".  The body guard glared while the receptionist jumped up and handed me a warm bottled water, assuring me it wouldn't be much longer. By the time the star exits and the doc arrives for my appointment, I could have completed an entire season of Friends on DVD.    

My exam then lasts, oh, about four minutes, start to finish.  I'm packed up with a prescription for a bleaching cream and enough skin care samples to last a lifetime.  As I arrange for my follow-up visit, I explain to the receptionist that I really can make friends but I'd prefer to avoid them at my next appointment.

Oh the price of vanity!

Welcome to TheFiftyFactor  -  Joanna


  1. hey maybe you guys can carpool next time. they make a big scene everywhere they go and then wonder why they can't sneak anywhere.

  2. Hehehe. My mother sublet a tiny apartment (more like a closet) in Manhattan from a woman who travels around on movies sets as the set "massuese" (real massuese, not the "happy ending" kind of massuese). There wasn't enough room to swing a cat in there, and she slept on a pull-out couch.

    She couldn't believe how many minor celebs would show up at the door with their entourages at all hours of the day and night, hoping to get a massage. Like, if she gave massages in the first place, where were they all going to fit?

    And did none of their mothers teach them to call first? LOL

  3. So the next time that Mr. or Ms. TIFN (too important for names) is in the office, you need to speed dial either or Perez Hilton. That should clear the place out.

  4. My form of skin care is witch hazel and shea butter from the dollar store, so the closest thing to seeing stars for me is in my backyard at night.
    I love Friends, btw. Excellent choice of something to be stuck watching.

  5. After reading this post, I had to start at the beginning. I've been laughing ever since.
    Thanks for stopping by and
    there's a little something I have for you on my blog.

  6. Wow! THANKS Ritz for the Award! You are the best!
    Everyone should check out her blog and see what we're talking about

  7. Yes you must take pictures and sell them and of course post them here. Perez needs competition.

  8. Who is your doctor? I'm looking for a new dermatologist :)


Thanks for stopping by and commenting, I really appreciate it.