Four Hours

I spent four hours today sorting through my closet in an effort to find three days worth of cool weather clothes to pack for an upcoming trip back East where it's about 25 degrees cooler than it is in Los Angeles.  Three.  Full.  Hours.

It seemed like a simple task when I started, especially since I have a jammed packed closet of clothes, but after trying everything on for an hour and a half, I started from scratch and out on two pair of Spanx--  That helped considerably.

All I need are three daytime outfits (one jeans and two for "nicer" lunches in the city with friends) and three evening outfits (for the theater, a swank dinner and a black tie wedding).  Finding six outfits wore me down!

I realized that when it comes to cold/Fall/rainy/East Coast weather I'm pretty limited in my selection of not only clothes but shoes-- as in closed toe shoes (not sandals), especially for a lot of daytime walking in something other than sneakers.  And as far as clothes go--  Black, black and black are my color only options.

Seriously, everything I own that's remotely warm enough for the trip, other than a couple of white long sleeves tee shirts, is black.

Yawn.  I've really got to work on that.

I was at my wits end, so I Skyped my favorite fashion expert for advice.....

My Great Niece E - age 2 years 4 months.

She suggested I wear an outfit just like hers-- All day, every day.... Glowing magic wand optional.

Dress Happy!

Welcome to www.TheFiftyFactor.com  -  Joanna Jenkins

Pause...

Every now and then something happens that feels like a sucker punch to the face causing me to stop and be so present in the moment that it takes my breath away.  I hope that feeling has never, or does not ever, happen to you.  This week it happened to me again.

I was reminded how fragile life is when I walked into our favorite deli-- like my husband and I do every weekend morning for breakfast, and asked to sit in our favorite waitress' station.  The look on the young hosts face gave me pause, then a busboy rushed over followed by another waitress to tell me that Terri, a 20 year veteran of the deli, had passed away in the night from a massive heart attack.  Terri was only 53 years old.

The weekend prior she was out sick because of bronchitis.  Terri actually called my cell phone when she knew we'd be at the deli so I wouldn't worry about her.  She said she was okay but not feeling great.  She was seeing the doctor the next day.

Beyond being a fave waitress, Terri and I developed a friendship outside the restaurant that included emails and phone calls to catch up with each other on family and life in general.  Together we shared the loss of her mother ten years and my step-day last year, the joyful births of our numerous nieces and nephews, health issues, and new stores and restaurants in our neighborhood.  We had sort of woven ourselves into each other's lives over the years and considered ours a meaningful friendship.

Terri called me from the doctor's office to say she was on the way to the hospital because her bronchitis was far more than that.  She'd actually suffered a heart attack and was being whisked away.  We talked briefly so I could take down phone numbers of people she wanted me to call and promised to call me later.

We talked from her Intensive Care Unit bed for the next four days as doctors worked to stabilize her bronchitis that had rapidly progressed into pneumonia and to find a solution to her heart issues.  Wednesday night she started to sound better and a bit stronger when we talked and was optimistic but frustrated with the endless paperwork and social workers because she did not have any medical insurance.

Thursday multiple phone calls to Terri's hospital room and cell phone went unanswered.  Thursday evening she had a massive heart attack and was gone.

As my husband and I were finally seated after hearing the news on Friday, numerous wait staff members stopped by our table to share their sadness.  They'd only learned of Terri's passing a few hours earlier and were all still in shock.  Terri was a sweetheart and loved by so many that I wasn't surprised that the "old timers" who'd worked with her for countless years would be devastated.  But an interesting thing happened around the restaurant...

There was clearly a different vibe in the deli that morning and even if you didn't know Terri or what had happened, you knew something was up.  As regular patrons and "Terri's customers" continued to arrive and learn the sad news, sobs and words of shock could be heard around the dining room.

Terri had, purely by her smile, thoughtfulness, kind words and great service, touched the lives of so many people who were genuinely sadden by her passing.  The thing is, I think that Terri would be surprised by how many people miss her.  I don't think she realized what a difference she made in people's lives.

I know in the coming weeks more and more deli patrons will ask for Terri and hear of her passing. Many will cry as I continue to do.  And, I think many will pause for just a moment and remember her kindness.  I hope they take a moment-- we all take a moment-- to remember the people we see on a regular basis that touch our lives, even with something as simple as delivering eggs and a bagel with a smile and a few kind words.  Terri has reminded me to stay present and to take a moment to appreciate life's little things.

Big sigh.

Welcome to www.TheFiftyFactor.com  -  Joanna Jenkins
Photo Credit: © rgbspace - Fotolia.com

Sundays In My City - Endeavour

The Space Shuttle Endeavour landed in Los Angeles after giving our city a glorious arial view of it's magnificence.  My neighbors and house painters and I gathered on our back patio that overlooks the Hollywood sign and got a fantastic view with four separate sightings.  There wasn't a single dry eye!

My camera doesn't begin to do justice but I have picture to prove I saw this historic event-- And it was totally awesome.

Look realllly closely.  You'll see the Endeavor piggybacked on top of a NASA 747 with the two military planes above.  The Hollywood sign is on the right...

For more Sundays In My City CLICK HERE.http://www.unknownmami.com/2012/09/labyrinth-sundays-in-my-city.html
For more info on NASA's Space Shuttle CLICK HERE

How's your Sunday going?
Welcome to www.TheFiftyFactor.com  -  Joanna Jenkins

Lemons

I've been in the "When life gives you lemons make lemonade..." mode lately.  Some days I'm better at it than others.

The next time I'm on a hideously delayed United Airlines flight from Los Angeles to Cleveland to visit my family-- A flight that should have taken 5 hours but ended up taking 14 instead, I'll order lemonade from their overpriced "snack" menu and just roll with it.  Of course when you pay a (gigantic) premium price for the luxury of a non-stop flight that turns into multiple plane changes across the country-- not because of weather or mechanical difficulties, but because "oophs", someone forgot to "service" the original plane, and you don't get a refund on your high priced non-stop flight for a much cheaper multiple-flight ticket, well... that lemonade should be complimentary, don't you think?

Apparently not.  I wrote to the Chairman of United Airlines asking for a refund in the price difference between the two flights, and I spilled a little lemonade on the page for effect.  I'm guessing I'll never hear from him but I sure felt better after speaking my mind.

And then, after all those airport changes and schlepping, my souvenir was a whopping cold that turned into bronchitis and everything that goes with it, and I spent nearly 3 weeks in bed getting over it.  I'm no "sick wimp" either.  I'm a really good patient who's known to tough this stuff out.  But this time, I was down for the count.  I drank a lot of tea with lemon.

After a week in Ohio and three weeks in bed, my house was a total disaster from not being able to get much done around here-- But wait!--  as the commercial says-- There's more!   Painters started work on the exterior of our house last week.  It's a 3 week job with a ton of prep work that needs done before the painting can even start.  Did I mention it's about 100 degrees around here?  Nasty hot.  I'm giving these guys lots and lots of water and a little lemonade on the side.  I even told them to swim in the pool of they want.  It's that H.O.T.

Unfortunately, with workers sanding every window and door frame of the house, there is no where to hide and, um, "use the facilities", so each morning I'm up at 5:45 to shower and dress before the crew arrives.  And for the record, it's been about 20 years since I've seen 5:45AM more than one day in a row.  But that's the easy part.  I'm actually going to our local McDonald's to use their restrooms a few times a day-- it just feels more private.... And I'm ordering lemonade each time so I don't take advantage of the "restrooms are for patrons only" policy.

I was in the Mickey D's parking lot today when an older woman, so tiny she could barely see over the steering wheel of her circa 1980 Cadillac, made a 100 point turn into the drive thru lane.  Seriously, it took her about ten minutes to maneuver through the crowded parking lot around to the order intercom.  Once that task was complete she had to get her faded yellow monstrosity around another sharp curve to arrive at the window to pay and pick up her food.

Standing by my car, unable to move through the snarled parking lot, I watched all of her efforts. Other drivers started blowing their horns to hurry her up but that only made things worse.  Finally she rolled down her window and asked me to help her.  It was one of those moments when you look over your shoulder hoping she's waving at someone behind you.  No such luck.

By the time I'd arrived at her car, she was out on the pavement and wanted me to actually DRIVE her car as she hobbled around to the passenger side and got in!

Huh?!?

With this increased delay you can imagine horns were honking like crazy now, people were cursing loudly-- even the McDonald's manager came outside for a look because the entire drive thru was totally blocked.

With the McDonald's manager helping direct traffic, I got behind the wheel and squeezed that massively long yellow Cadillac thru the entire drive thus process. The older woman smiled and chatted the whole time about her impending Big Mac sandwich.

Once the transaction was complete and the car smelled of classic McDonald's greasy deliciousness, I pulled the Caddy over to a spot that would be extremely easy for my new friend to make her way out of the parking lot and onto the boulevard.

She reached over and gave my hand a squeeze of thanks and place $1.00 in it so I could get myself a "little something from the restaurant".  Although the money was absolutely not necessary she insisted and we said our good-byes.

Now, finally, I headed directly to the restroom then returned to order a lemonade with my crumpled one dollar bill.  It was on of those "When life gives you lemons" kind of moments that actually made me smile.

Hope life is treating you all well.

Welcome to www.TheFiftyFactor.com  -  Joanna Jenkins
Photo Credit - Lemons - © Taffi - Fotolia.com

What I Didn't Do On My Summer Vacation

In all honesty, Summer is no different in my world than any other season of the year, it's just hotter.  I don't have kids so my daily routine is pretty much the same.  But still, as the big yellow school buses start rolling again it's a reminder of the (almost) passing of another season and all the things that didn't happen, despite my best intentions...

This summer I did not...

...Sleep in.  Not at all.

...Find a contractor to paint the exterior of our house.  Or an electrician or a handyman for a long list of "to-dos" around here.  To say I chased my tail trying to find contractors that actually showed up is an understatement.  Grrr!

...Buy hot weather summer clothes.  It's 100 degrees and I'm sitting here in blue jeans.  Not cool on any level.

...Read a book-- any book, not even "Fifty Shades of Gray".  Heck, I barely read the newspaper.

...Exercise.  Nuff said.

...Entertain...  Not a single BBQ or pool party, although I'm not sure that's a bad thing.

...Go to my 35th high school reunion.  Rumor was the mean girls would be attending.

But this summer I did manage to...

...Swim two or three times a week with my godson.

...Shock of all shocks, I got my husband to take Fridays off work this summer in an effort to get him to cut back his usual nearly 70 hour a week work schedule.  And, for the first time last Friday, I think he actually relaxed and "unplugged" from the office for at least 5 whole hours.

...Kill ants!  Millions and millions of them.  It's so hot and dry here that they made their annual pilgramige to my kitchen in search of water.  Completely surrounding my big window frame, they marched, jammed packed in circles while I sprayed and sprayed for an entire month.  And they are still circling.  Grrrr.

...Made another quilt.

...Realized my reading glasses are no longer strong enough so instead of spending the money to change my 6 month old presecription I practiced squinting without wrinkling the skin around my eyes and forehead.  No small feat, if I do say so myself, although it's a losing battle.

...After 25 years and about 15 moves to 6 different states between us, I found a long lost childhood friend.  She's back living in Ohio and we reconnected through my step-brother.  What a treat!

...I ate calamari and still don't like it.

As September nears, I'm looking forward to....

...Going to Ohio this week to visit my family and to see my sweet sister-in-law who just had very successful heart surgery at the Cleveland Clinic.  She's my hero.

...NYC is in my future for a family wedding too.... which means clothes shopping for a dress to wear.

...A new baby in the family.  One has not been announced yet, but I have a feeling.....

...Hopefully finding a painter, electrician and handyman who actually shows up and do some work on our house.  What is it with these guys?  They schlepp to my house,  take measurements and chat me up for an hour like they'd LOVE to work with me, and then they vanish into thin air!

...A vacation with my husband, even for a weekend, with just the two of us.  I can't tell you how long it's been since that happened.

...Getting back into the swing of blogging again.  (I promise I'll catch up with you soon!)

...Laughing, lots and lots of laughing.  This past year has been kind of a downer around here lately and it's time for a change.  Things are looking up.

How's your Summer been?

Welcome to www.TheFiftyFactor.com  -  Joanna Jenkins
Photo Credit: © Studio Barcelona - Fotolia.com

Almost One Year

Dave and Mom - 2006

It's easy to tell when a wave of sadness washes over my mother-- In mid sentence she'll change the subject of whatever we're talking about in a very matter of fact manner.  Lately she's been changing subjects, during our frequent phone conversations, a lot because we're coming up on the first anniversary of my step-father's unexpected passing.

That last part took me a really long time to type.

"Anniversary" seems like a very wrong word to use.  Referring to my sweet step-dad, Dave, as "step" seems very wrong, as if he was not fully a part of our family.  And mentioning "passing" and Dave in the same sentence still seems very wrong too.

I can only imagine how it must feel for my mom-- thus the frequent sadness and subject changes when something overwhelms her and she remembers Dave is not physically there with her anymore.

In late July, 2011, my folks were in the process of packing up their home and moving into a beautiful new house in a senior living community that would provide them with not only independence but also all the medical care and assistance they might ever need down the road.

Their upcoming move was truly a blessing in that it was their idea.  Both realized their large, two-story house with no downstairs bathroom was becoming a problem for them.  Each had a few medical problems like arthritic knees that were being dealt with and when they understood they could actually afford to move to a beautiful one-story house in a community with a continuum of care, AND they could bring their dog too, they gladly signed on and started packing.

My mother is a journal writer and for years has written at length each night before turning in for bed. They've never been fancy journals-- thick spiral notebooks were practical and priced right for her needs, her small printing filling at least one full page per day.  I know from our conversations over the past year that mom has been reading last year's journal and comparing each day to the previous year and reminding herself of the life changes she's been dealing with. 

The last time I saw Dave, he and mom were in their front yard holding hands together and waving good-bye as I backed out of their driveway for the airport to return to my home in Los Angeles.  It was a hot Ohio afternoon but we felt good about the progress we had made during a massive four day garage sale we'd just completed in preparation for their move to the senior community in six short weeks.

My flight that should have landed at 10:30PM was delayed and didn't land until 1:15AM.  I was blurry-eyed by the time I wheeled my suitcase up the driveway to my front door.  Twenty minutes later, as I was preparing for bed, my phone "pinged" indicating I'd received a text message.  Because of the late hour, I knew something was very wrong.

"Dave's in ambulance on way to hospital."  Middle Sister sent it and I was stunned.  I'd just seen him ten hours earlier and he was fine.

But obviously he wasn't and no one knew (including his many doctors).  And now everything is different and my Mom is sad.

Today I asked mom if reading her old journals helped with the healing and mourning process.  Being a deeply religious woman, mom said she thanked God everyday for her husband of 20 years and that reading the journals helped remind her of their shared spirituality and of the many "little things" they did together.

When I asked why when she felt sad she needed to change subjects so purposefully, she of course-- changed the subject, I suspect because she decided she'd met her "crying quota" and didn't want to make me sad too.  I kept steering the conversation back to make the point that we are all sad, and all cry, and all miss Dave terribly.

I'm not sure what Mom will write in her journal tonight but I know she will be awake in the wee hours of the morning knowing that this time last year, Dave passed away peacefully in his sleep less than 48 hours after the ambulance had been called.  I hope she writes that her family supports her 1000% percent and are extremely proud of the grace with which she's handled herself since our sweet Dave died.

Each morning of their life together, Mom sipped tea and Dave gulped coffee down as they said their morning prayers together.  They spent about an hour each day in the quiet of their living room, sometimes glancing out their bay window and taking a moment to comment about the activities on their quiet street.  Now my mother sits at her new kitchen table alone looking out the front door window, their dog, Noah, by her side.

Dave with his first great-granddaughter - 2010

Tomorrow after her prayers Mom will take a large basket from the shelf in her bedroom containing more than 200 sympathy cards and letters that were sent to her when Dave passed away.  She'll make herself a second cup of tea and read each message drinking in the kindness and memories from loved ones.  As sad as she will be, and as deeply as she misses Dave, she will remember how many people all said the same thing about her beloved husband-- He was such a good man. 

Welcome to www.TheFiftyFactor.com  -  Joanna Jenkins