2 hours ago
Monday, September 21, 2015
There's a lot of it in our neighborhood these days... Poop of all kinds.
We are "doing our part" to save water in drought stricken Southern California and removed our front lawn. Gone is the lovely green grass that made me sneeze when it was mowed. Gone are the pop-up sprinkler heads that my neighbor's rowdy boys would run over and break with their go karts. Gone is the sprinkler timer that set off watering just in time for our morning newspapers to get drenched.
Gone. Gone. Gone.
In are eighty-seven flats (!) of drought tolerant ground cover. Two days, four guys and three cases of Gatorade later, the plants were settled into their new beds in record-breaking high temperatures.
Oh, and a truck load of cow poop smelling fertilizer/mulch was distributed too. The smell simmering on 95 degree days was nothing short of, um, "ripe".
I thought for sure my neighbors would complain about the stink because I most definitely did. You could smell it a mile away.
So I turned to our community website site, NextDoor.com-- I told you about it when the 'hood went crazy over the Lemon Thief-- to see if any complaints were racking up.
There were poop complaints galore!!! But not about my poop-smelling yard.
Apparently there is a dog poop REVOLT going on and, since I was working so hard in the yard, had totally missed the gigantic freakout online by what I once considered kind and friendly neighbors.
It started with a guy making a ballistic post over dog walkers putting their dog poop bags in his garbage cans kept on the side of his house directly next to the sidewalk. His point was that folks should take their poop bags to their own garbage cans for disposal because, apparently, other people's dog poop smells worse than his dog's poop.
That had one woman chiming in that her dog's poop definitely does not smell worse than any other and called the guy a few choice words which will not be repeated. And then all hell broke loose!
Many, many people-- with and without dogs, screamed in all capital letters that garbage cans are city property and available for everyone to use. That comment brought out City ordinance code postings and several attorneys pointing out in legal language that homeowners "rent" the cans from the City and are therefore our property as well as going on and on stating trespassing laws.
My favorite was the comment by a woman who suggested "poop cans" be installed around the area for the poop bags-- But NOT on her property since she's a self-proclaimed "crazy cat lady".
When I say this was a heated debate that had neighbors on their computers banging out hateful, nasty, and some very funny comments, I mean 279 comments and counting in just five days! Long winded, rambling comments-- "How dare you!" comments-- Emojis the likes of which I've never seen-- Dog lovers (and a few haters) at odds with each others and neighbors nearly coming to blows. Literally.
It reached full-fledged "holy crap" status in no time!
Poop bag offenders were called out by name along with their addresses (!) so people could return their poop to them. A few people even followed offending poop-bag-garbage-can-dumpers to their homes to return said poop placing it under door mats and on car windshields.
And for the nasty people who don't bother to pick up their dog's poop at all-- Apparently there is a special place in hell waiting for them. Who knew?
Needless to say, I do not keep my garbage cans in view of the street nor do I have a pooping dog which may be why I find this heated online debate so over the top... and a bit scary.
I did breath a sigh of relief that my smelly yard did not become a topic of conversation on the website.
But I'm waiting... because a "drought tolerant" yard does not mean it never gets watered. Oh no, no, no! In fact, it gets watered A LOT until it's established and more than a few neighbors forty dog walkers have scolded me about it when I hand water our lawn twice a week-- even when I'm using water from a big hot pink watering can filled with reclaimed water from the bath tub.
Yup, there's a reason I don't attend our community's Block Party.
Welcome to www.TheFiftyFactor.com - Joanna Jenkins