Urban Dictionary: SWAG BAG: A goodie bag that contains various useless yet irreplaceable items packed into a duffel bag, usually given at parties or by sponsors.
Have you heard about the $85,000 worth of stuff in this year's Oscar Nominee Swag Bags? It was all the buzz at the big shindig I attended at the Beverly Hills Hotel last night at the aptly named "Night Before Party" for the Oscars.
Oh yes, I am a very lucky girl to have rubbed elbows with the rich, famous and super skinny last night. It was beyond cool and, short of attending the Oscars, is the next best people watching of the year.
Who was there, you ask?
Just the stunningly gorgeous Amy Adams, the charismatic Matthew McConaughey, the gracious Harrison Ford, a bearded Ben Affleck, the beautiful Reese Witherspoon, the cast of 12 Years a Slave, and way too many young actors and actresses whose names I am far too old to know.
Sigh. It was a blast.
As we floated in and out of the party crowd trying not to stare, the buzz was about the Nominees' Swag including the $16,000 worth of hair plugs. HAIR PLUGS! Well, the actual plugs weren't in the bag but a gift certificate for 'em was. Makes you kinda wish your were nominated.
There's a Mace and Pepper Spray Gun in the bag too...
And a Walking Tour of Japan....
Along with a Rejuvenation "procedure" to boost a ladies V-jayjay to enhance her sex drive. (All together now, WTH!?!?!)....
And there's the $6.00 rubber thing to put on your drain so your hair doesn't get clogged.
I'm not kidding. Nominees get all that stuff and way, way more. They'll probably need a small U-Haul truck to get the loot home.
Wouldn't it be nice if everyone sold the crap stuff on eBay and donated the money to charity? I so would....
What do you think I'd get for this little gem that was included along with sunscreen, sun glasses, a hat and a beach towel in my party Swag Bag last night? It's way cooler than hair plugs, right?
The back is a string bikini top and a postage stamp size bottom. And can you tell there are no sides-- it's a cut-out? There's truly VERY little fabric with lots of black and metallic gold fringe to hide the "girls" if you catch my drift.
It's exactly what every 55 year old woman needs, don't you think? But then again, I guess that means I'm in good company with all the Oscar Nominees and their SWAG-- Useless yet irreplaceable items.
Enjoy watching the Oscars!
Welcome to www.TheFiftyFactor.com - Joanna Jenkins