Sunday, March 2, 2014

Oscar Swag


Urban Dictionary:  SWAG BAG:  A goodie bag that contains various useless yet irreplaceable items packed into a duffel bag, usually given at parties or by sponsors. 

Have you heard about the $85,000 worth of stuff in this year's Oscar Nominee Swag Bags?  It was all the buzz at the big shindig I attended at the Beverly Hills Hotel last night at the aptly named "Night Before Party" for the Oscars.

Oh yes, I am a very lucky girl to have rubbed elbows with the rich, famous and super skinny last night.  It was beyond cool and, short of attending the Oscars, is the next best people watching of the year.

Who was there, you ask?

Just the stunningly gorgeous Amy Adams, the charismatic Matthew McConaughey, the gracious Harrison Ford, a bearded Ben Affleck, the beautiful Reese Witherspoon, the cast of 12 Years a Slave, and way too many young actors and actresses whose names I am far too old to know.

Sigh.  It was a blast.

As we floated in and out of the party crowd trying not to stare, the buzz was about the Nominees' Swag including the $16,000 worth of hair plugs.  HAIR PLUGS!  Well, the actual plugs weren't in the bag but a gift certificate for 'em was.  Makes you kinda wish your were nominated.

There's a Mace and Pepper Spray Gun in the bag too... 

And a Walking Tour of Japan....

Along with a Rejuvenation "procedure" to boost a ladies V-jayjay to enhance her sex drive.  (All together now, WTH!?!?!)....

And there's the $6.00 rubber thing to put on your drain so your hair doesn't get clogged.

I'm not kidding.  Nominees get all that stuff and way, way more.  They'll probably need a small U-Haul truck to get the loot home.

Wouldn't it be nice if everyone sold the crap stuff on eBay and donated the money to charity?  I so would....

What do you think I'd get for this little gem that was included along with sunscreen, sun glasses, a hat and a beach towel in my party Swag Bag last night?  It's way cooler than hair plugs, right?


The back is a string bikini top and a postage stamp size bottom.  And can you tell there are no sides-- it's a cut-out?  There's truly VERY little fabric with lots of black and metallic gold fringe to hide the "girls" if you catch my drift.

It's exactly what every 55 year old woman needs, don't you think?  But then again, I guess that means I'm in good company with all the Oscar Nominees and their SWAG--  Useless yet irreplaceable items. 

Enjoy watching the Oscars!

Welcome to www.TheFiftyFactor.com  -  Joanna Jenkins

22 comments:

Brian Miller said...

woot....ha...have fun in that little number...smiles...fun fun...that would be pretty cool...i was surprised when i was hob knobbing with celebs that they really are not that much different than we are...

Mari said...

What a fun night for you - and you even got your own gift bag! I'm always surprised to hear what the celebs get in their bags. Before this I'd only heard about the goodies, but that procedure brings things to a new level. :)

DJan said...

Can I ask for a selfie with you in THAT? Watching the Oscars right now. Wish the dance numbers were a little shorter. :-)

Tammy said...

Wow JJ, what a fun and fabulous night out. I would have just sat and watched people the whole night, well if there was good food I would have gotten into that as well. That is quite the bathing suit to say the least. I can't believe what they get in a swag bag, to bad they don't take the money spent on that and donate that money to charities, those in Hollywood get a lot of swag all the time and truly, do they need what they get from the Oscars? Hugs my friend.

Christine said...

I did enjoy watching...stunning gowns.

Simone said...

I think you should host a giveaway for that bathing suit! :) Me and my 50 year old self would NOT be wearing that.

I agree with you that celebs don't need anything extra but it should all be donated to a worthy cause. Hair plugs??? Really???

Mike said...

Okay, I have to get into that lifestyle. lol I for one agree about seeing the selfie in the bathing suit. haha

Formerly known as Frau said...

Wow what a cool experience! Just to be in the same room with all that talent! And to come home with some swag!! awesome!

Tom Sightings said...

For real? I'm so impressed. I confess I didn't watch the Oscars last nite; just perused the list of winners this morning on Yahoo. But then, I didn't have a cool party to attend ... but now I'm vowing to go see the ones I haven't already seen, esp. 12 Years.

Jeanie said...

My guess is that a selfie in that suit is not going to happen, but I am glad you showed it to us and shared your exciting night with us.
Now I have a couple of movies I need to go see.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

So that's how some people live...our swag bags here would include hand warmers for Packer games, rock salt for driveways, hot cocoa packets, maybe a free burger with purchase of a medium fries...

Marie said...

All I'd want is some sunshine in my bag. They can keep everything else :)

bill lisleman said...

That's a weird collection in those Oscar swag bags. The closest I've come to swag bags was at a few industry conventions. Since you have lived around Hollywood and bumped elbows at these parties you must have an opinion on them. I get the impression (common I think) that these celebrities getting these sway bags live in totally different world far removed from the common person. Maybe you could write a post about the impression people have. Thanks for showing us what is in the bag.

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

Yes, why don't the sponsors make charity donations in the names of the nominees or something more useful and compassionate than giving all kinds of stuff/crap/treasures to people who are already rich and famous?

At my age, hair plugs don't sound half bad, but still...it all seems so pointless, so excessive.

anne h said...

Awesome! I love it!
Xoxoxoxox

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Jeanie said...

Sounds like you had a ton of fun, even if you didn't get the walking tour of Japan in your bag! I've yet to see the Oscars -- we were traveling but I have a DVD dub and will watch this weekend -- can't wait to see everyone glammed up!

Hilary said...

What a hoot. So cool that you're having all that fun. The ebay idea is a great one.

Terri @ Backward B Ranch said...

Wow- You should have taken some selfies! I think the zoot suit is cute, but I would not be able to get my over the speed limit body into that..maybe one leg... HA HA I agree about useless stuff- someone should auction one of those off for charity every now and then- or better yet- the Oscar folks should just donate that wasted money on a worthy charity.

CiCi said...

That was a great night for you, something you needed to do, something different. So glad you went and that you had the experience.

RNSANE said...

Oh, such fun, out for a night with the rich and famous but, to tell the truth, I'd be just as thrilled for an evening out with YOU...that's famous enough for me. I don't know how rich you are. I don't know about swag...a quart of Chunky Monkey or a gift certificate for dinner at a nice Indian restaurant would suffice. And that sexy little number would hardly cover one of my gluteus maximi, let alone both.

beth said...

OMG….you were there? how cool is that???? in my book….VERY VERY VERY cool !!!
xo